It doesn’t offend you. It feels like walking a loop you memorized.

You feel like you’ve grown.

You hear yourself say:

“I’m not going to the bar.”
“Come over if you want to talk.”
“I’d rather connect over a random book than a random body.”

Choosing yourself after years feels rare, almost sacred.

You say you want intimacy over instant sex.
You want to talk about where this is going, not where to go next.
You’d rather feel every emotion alone than dismiss it as unsexy.

You’re proud of who you’re becoming. Chasing intensity now feels beneath you, and you feel evolved because of it.

“If I stay far enough from chaos, it can’t touch me.”

Stepping back used to feel like hell. Now it feels righteous.

You shut out anything and anyone that could trigger relapse. You believe you’ve outgrown that phase. You believe distance is growth.

You stepped away from chaos. But that doesn’t mean you built anything.

You’re measured now.

You weigh your words.
You curate your inputs.
The books you read, the work you do, the friends you talk to—they all reflect intention.

You’ve revived your standards and put chaos to sleep.
Your self-image has never been cleaner.

When you’re satisfied with yourself, you observe them.

“He was hilarious last night.”
“Shut up, I didn’t ask for advice.”
“I don’t know his name but the sex was insane.”

Seeing what they care about, how loud they are, how easily they’re triggered stirs something in you—a quiet reminder of who you were.

You feel composed by comparison and you’re grateful. You feel ahead.

Your new self feels precious, so you guard it.

You treat your calm like currency. You vet people until you’re sure they won’t drain you.

You like this—the observing, the vetting, the analyzing. Doing it feels safe, strategic, and you prefer that to getting involved with the wrong one.

After all, your growth is crucial. It has to be guarded.

Leaving the chase was necessary.
You no longer perform to be chosen.
You don’t treat desire like oxygen.
You’ve stepped back.
But what did you step into?

You’re calm.
But are you conscious of who your choices made you?
You reject the meet-cute fantasy.
But have you felt real intimacy—to hold and be held?
You’re not afraid of boredom.
But can you stay inside it?
You avoid drama.
But have you resolved conflict without leaving?

You’ve made progress. But removing chaos is not capacity. Clearing the field doesn’t mean you can play.

If you haven’t tested it, you haven’t built it.

why you feel ahead with the image you built

You liked being in the chase for a reason.

You never had to slow down, let alone stop. Validation kept you from doing so. When nothing feels wrong and no one tells you otherwise, you don’t stop to check. Your self-image never felt incorrect.

Intensity kept you from looking at your stunted skills. So long as you stayed likable, your emotional maturity was never questioned. So long as you moved, you were never scrutinized—by others or by yourself.

By now, describing your previous behavior is probably rote for you. You are thoroughly equipped to pick apart dynamics. You can spot mommy issues, daddy issues, apply attachment theory and addiction psychology in everyone else’s life around you. Just not your own.

exposure’s cost

“Where negative feedback is excessive, or where our own mechanism is too sensitive to negative feedback, the result is not modification of response—but total inhibition of response.

…When we overreact to negative feedback or criticism, we are likely to conclude that not only is our present course slightly off beam, or wrong, but that it is wrong for us to even want to go forward.”

— Dr. Maxwell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics

If you participate, you’ll have to pick yourself apart later. When you know why people act the way they do, then you should be aware of the way you act around them.

Applying that knowledge means risking exposure. But real time doesn’t let you rehearse. So you shut yourself off, and let the thought of participation paralyze you.

“I’m nothing like them.”
“I don’t care about who’s right and fight anymore.”
“I think deeply before I decide, unlike the rest of them here.”

You’re right. You’re not rash. That feels superior.
You’re also unexposed, untested, unjudged. You don’t allow behavioral evidence to muddy the new image. You continue to feel superior.

Earlier, you chased external intensity. Now, you chase internal insight. Either way, you never built the skills. You changed the wrapper and built nothing.

the “average” threat

You believe your avoidance was a thing of your past. Yet you avoid testing yourself.

Finding out you’re not ahead, but just ordinary, would shatter the new image. Because ordinary means you could still mess up.

You could misread signals.
You might say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
You might freak out, lose your mind instead of keeping calm.
Or worse, when you can’t take it anymore, you might just leave.

Ordinariness keeps you from practice. Being ordinary would mean you’re still a beginner. And beginners get exposed.

You don’t impulsively hook up anymore. You don’t get blackout drunk or high in circuit parties. You don’t loudly argue with the one friend that looks out for you and walk away, only to re-open Grindr even if it’s past midnight.

You believe restraint counts as progress. You believe your calm stands out in a crowd that is used to witnessing public spirals. And you read that as superiority.

You compare your present self to your past and call it growth. You mentally play out how you would look in their eyes. You pre-judge their perception of you.

You don’t want to be criticized anymore. Breaking free from their approval feels like achievement. Being assessed now would threaten the whole narrative. So you stay unexposed.

No evidence.
No failures.

If you were in the wrong, someone would have corrected you. Since no one did, you assure yourself you’re going in the right direction.

But there never was anyone to examine you. You never let anyone. And your identity and self-image feel clean to you because of it.

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how you trained yourself on speed

You programmed your sense of safety while spending time in chaos.

The more immediate the reward, the less room there is for doubt. Ambiguity doesn’t enter the picture.
You don’t replay things after they happened.
You don’t get anxious about what’s going to happen. Even if you did, it disappears soon.
When you’re never “jittery” and always in directed motion, your body senses nothing weird when scanning for threats. Safe mode sets in.

Whenever you moved, you moved with a destination in mind.
You knew where you were headed or what you were doing.
You knew what you’d get. If you didn’t, you found out immediately. Either way, you knew.

When you were freely moving, speed was omnipresent.
If you wanted to know a gossip, you scrolled on socials.
If you wanted to go to a party, you headed there immediately.
If a guy wanted you, you met him in less than an hour.

Your body doesn’t need trauma to learn. A handful of repetitions is enough. Most people dismiss these “free movements” as trivial, while conditioning their body to believe speed is safe.

Relief from reduced anxiety is not safety, and you taught your body to think it is.

Mechanism:
fast reward → fast feedback → no doubt → no rumination → low anxiety → “safe”

the fast feedback loop

Whatever’s predictable takes precedence.

Familiarity and predictability primarily drive your behavior, especially when you regulate with chaos. If you see it and feel it, you picture it and crave it.

“If I can predict tonight’s reward, why would I care about what tomorrow has waiting for me?”

A distant reward feels foreign to your system. You don’t know what to expect, how to feel, when to respond. All you know is that it’s unknown and uncertain. And that’s enough to kill any motivation you have for seeking it. Planning feels unnecessary because tonight feels real.

When you’re used to being frequently rewarded, you hate everywhere you’re not. Your standards for satisfaction shift. You selectively look for and go for things that keep you in your shifted baseline. You hate your present reality enough to let the future fade.

Each predictable pleasure cements your present by diluting your future.

Speed removes the pause where emotional skills grow.

If you’re on the move, you’re busy and you never have to reflect on your needs, your actions or where you’re going. You can be with anyone anywhere for any amount of time but not with yourself, alone. Engaging externally feels easy. Reflecting internally feels invasive.

The cost is invisible while you’re moving. Your tolerance for stillness drops below baseline. You equate being still with being stagnant. Stillness remains unfamiliar, movement remains your default.

low demand regulation

You left chaos.
You believe you’ve removed all of it from your life. You’re not ruled by it anymore.

You’re not proud of when you used to be unhinged. You try to be the polar opposite. You don’t react as much. You’re not triggered as much. You steer clear of people and places that give even a remote vibe of triggering your worst.

Fewer triggers cause fewer reactions. You call that regulation. You get to keep your calm. In low demand for response, calm is your default. You stay there, even if it means eliminating the demand altogether. Calm becomes your only metric.

Your environment becomes a dot. You limit who you let in. You don’t want another crowd robbing you of your peace.

Selective engagement protects your calm. You interact when necessary. You stay put otherwise. In turn, you get to be free from being judged. Your peace is undisturbed.

You remain unseen enough to stay unevaluated, and you read that as growth.

You remove noise. You create quiet.
You feel disciplined choosing the mature thing. You feel like you restored your agency.
You seal off all the entry points through which chaos could enter into your safe house.
You build a quiet house and leave it empty.

calm at any cost

“I can’t do stupid small talk. It’s not me anymore. I don’t care if they hate me.”
“They need to stay away. Letting in men like this is why I ended up miserable.”
“At least if I’m quiet, I won’t be replaying convos in my head wondering when I should’ve shut up.”

Avoiding what drained you is healthy. But total avoidance is easy. Ease keeps you comfortable. It doesn’t push you. It doesn’t pressure you. It eliminates the need to learn.

You carry chaos logic into calm spaces. You confuse pressure with danger—which leads you toward: “ease” = “no pressure” = “stable.”

Did you ever learn anything when there was zero friction and everything was easy?

“When you experience a logical lapse, the climax becomes the conclusion. You imagine a situation, you figure that you would panic, and then because you’re scared, you never think through the rest of the scenario.”

— Brianna Wiest, The Mountain is You

Your sense of discomfort is distorted. You avoid the healthy kind that challenges you while trying to avoid the unhealthy one that poisons you.

You never see any evidence that contradicts your capability. You remain convinced you’re growing when all you are is unchallenged.

You pause to think about your past. You compare your current life to your old, unbalanced life. You see it as a dramatic transformation. After all, exiting the old life and adapting to the new required tremendous effort. You’re proud of that.

You tell yourself you’ve arrived. You feel that your transformation is complete. When proof shows up, you look away. You deny it exists, because accepting it would mean you’re still unarrived and underdeveloped. So as a reflex, you protect your story.

Having lived in disorder, you project the chaos you had onto the rest of the world—you think it’s everywhere and you always have to stay on guard.

Engagement with the outside world is unpredictable. Earlier, you couldn’t control yourself. You couldn’t control the chaos. Being in control became a progress metric in addition to staying calm, and you protect them both.

Initial withdrawal is necessary. But it isn’t sufficient.

You never step back in.

this is what you never practiced

That said, I see you.

You’re not trying to prove anything. You’re not trying to show off your progress. You’re not trying to feel better by comparison.

If you’re reading this, I assume you’re tired of worrying about how you’re seen. I assume you’re focused instead on who you’re becoming. You genuinely want something real. You’re tired of the drama.

In a culture where confusion is normal, clarity feels strange when you ask for it. I know it because I want the same.

This letter is also for me. I mistook calm for readiness. I preferred quiet to connection, which honestly I still do. I told myself I was embracing uncertainty while avoiding it entirely.

You’re not deluded to want depth.
You’re not weak to want a stable guy.
And you’re not crazy for wanting it.

Right now, be honest.

You don’t bolt at the first sign of boredom anymore.
But do you stay when you’re bored with another in the room? You say you prefer quiet.
Do you stay when the quiet between you feels awkward?
You don’t chase attraction.
Do you let it grow slowly?

Staying is a skill.

Fixing yourself alone is not the same as fixing yourself with someone.
If you exit instead of owning your mess,
if you retreat instead of repairing,
if you hide instead of being seen when you’re wrong,
then all your self-work stays safe from resistance.

Repairing is a skill.

Chaos conditioning if not interrupted, will keep running you. Knowing how you were conditioned is only half the battle. The real challenge is facing it in real time and interrupting it without freezing.

Trust feels invasive at first. It is trained through time spent and safety felt. When you were always in motion, you never rehearsed it. Instant intensity was familiar. Gradual intimacy is not.

Patience is a skill.

A deep man is not born that way. He becomes so through experience. You may simply not have that experience yet. It’s easier to believe you’re broken than to admit you’re inexperienced. But the latter, at least, is honest.

interruption is smaller than you think

I thought if I could stay calm long enough, I’d be ready for depth. I stayed functional. I became closed.

I tried two things.

1. I journaled obsessively and fed it to ChatGPT to build a psych profile of me. The document is safely buried in my Downloads folder. It never interrupted me.

2. I winged it alone. That didn’t work either.

The problem wasn’t chaos anymore but exposure.

You see someone you could talk to.
You feel the hesitation.
You rehearse the opener.
You predict the dismissal.
You decide it’s not worth it.
You rename it discernment.
“I’m not like them.”
“I don’t do stupid small talk.”
“If it’s not meaningful, I’m not interested.”
You protect the image.
You stay silent.
You leave calm.
And slightly smaller.

If you speak imperfectly, it might be awkward for a minute. If you don’t speak, you replay it for hours. You survive either way.

This is where interruption happens. I found these 3 sets of questions to help me the most. Save these in your Notes app to pull up anytime.

the moment before you leave

Layer 1 — Protection:

1. Am I protecting depth, or protecting my image?

2. Am I avoiding chaos, or avoiding ordinariness?

3. If I say nothing, will I respect myself more or less?

Layer 2 — Projection:

1. What is the worst realistic outcome if I walk closer?

2. If they dismiss me, what actually happens next?

3. Will this matter in 48 hours?

Layer 3 — Motion:

1. Which regret can I tolerate — awkwardness or absence?

2. If I keep avoiding initiation for 30 days, who do I become?

3. What is the smallest brave move available right now?

These questions are obvious. That’s why they’re ignored.
Answer the above in writing. Not in your head.

If you’re alone, use the questions above.
If you freeze in real time, use the prompt below.

Copy-paste the below prompt onto a new chat to rehearse.

ROLE
You are the Social Initiation Interrupter.

Your function is to interrupt in-person initiation paralysis caused by image protection and fear of dismissal.

Primary objective:
Help the user start a light, basic interaction in person.

You are not a dating coach.
You are not a therapist.
You are not a confidence builder.
You are not motivational.

You interrupt rehearsal.
You force physical movement.
You terminate.

WHO THIS IS FOR

People who:
- want connection but freeze before initiating
- over-rehearse before speaking
- protect a “not like them” identity
- delay until they leave

Primarily written with gay men in mind, but usable by anyone.

NOT FOR

- Acute psychological crisis
- Severe social anxiety requiring clinical support
- Emotional breakdown
- Substance withdrawal

If crisis indicators appear:
“This tool is not appropriate for your current state.”
Terminate.

USE CONDITIONS

Use only:
- In person
- While freezing
- Before leaving the room
- When exit behavior (phone, bathroom, leaving) is about to occur

Do not use:
- After you already left
- To analyze past failures
- To simulate ideal conversations
- To refine personality

CONTEXT LOCK

Before interruption:

Use memory/project context first.
Do not ask redundant questions.

Ask max 4 questions.
One at a time.
Prefix: “Q X of Y”

Mandatory:
1) Orientation (gay/bi/straight/unsure). If declined, proceed neutrally.
2) Is this about light conversation or attraction?
3) What action are you about to avoid?
4) What sentence is making avoidance reasonable?

After each answer:
Summarize in one short sentence.

No biography.
No trauma.
Present moment only.

PROTECTION EXPOSURE

Force:
“State the exact sentence you are using to justify not initiating.”

Wait.

Identify protection type:
- image protection
- superiority defense
- fear of dismissal
- fear of looking ordinary

No moralizing.

PROJECTION COLLAPSE

Ask:

“What is the worst realistic outcome?”

“If that happens, what physically happens next?”

“Have you survived worse?”

Concrete sequence only.

MICRO-MOVE ENFORCEMENT

Offer 2–3 options only:

- Walk closer.
- Hold eye contact for 2 seconds.
- Say one simple opener.
- Stay physically present instead of isolating.

Maximum 3 options.

User must choose one.

If user asks for easier or harder:
Offer 3 new options once only.
Never more.

Binary:
Choose or admit avoidance.

OPENERS (ONLY IF REQUESTED)

If user says they cannot think of anything to say:

Provide 3 natural, non-performative, light openers only.

Rules for openers:
- No pickup lines.
- No charm scripting.
- No exaggerated wit.
- Context-sensitive if possible.
- Short.
- Conversational.
- Neutral enough for friend-level interaction.

Examples of style (not fixed lines):
- situational observations
- simple curiosity
- direct but casual statements
- light acknowledgments

Never simulate the rest of the conversation.

ENVIRONMENTAL SAFETY

Do not initiate if:
- The person is clearly unavailable or distressed
- The context is inappropriate (workplace power dynamics, safety issue)
- It violates boundaries

FREEZE THRESHOLD

Proceed only if:
- The person is physically present
- Exit behavior is imminent
- Avoidance sentence is active

TERMINATION

Once move is chosen:

“Decision made. Move.”

Terminate.

If user continues:
“You are rehearsing again.”
Terminate.

If repeated use without action:
“You are using this as delay.”
Terminate.

TONE

Calm.
Certain.
Minimal.
Present-focused.
Mechanism-oriented.

Not theatrical.
Not warm.
Not aggressive.

ONE RULE

If you choose a move, execute immediately.
No countdown.
No optimization.
No further dialogue.

Sometimes the move is standing closer.
Sometimes it’s eye contact with a neutral smile.
Sometimes it’s one sentence.
Participate.

You can’t build capacity by thinking about depth.
Interruption is smaller than you think.
So is the move.
Make it.

That’s all for this letter.

—Karthik

After a seven-episode binge, you’re tired. You barely moved and all you have energy for is to slide back in bed and call it a day.

When you turn off the screen, something hits. The silence. But it was not quiet—not in your head. You are, all of a sudden, hyper-aware of time passing. And from that it only takes a split-second to remember your reality.

The workout you chose to skip. The relationship, which is actually a situationship, you wanted to end for good but didn’t. The writing in your “true voice” you abandoned 3 weeks ago when it got too messy, still sitting in your laptop.

Nothing changed. Nothing reset. Everything is intact the way you left them.

But you knew. You knew that everything would just pile up and suffocate you even more the second you decided to press “Next Episode.” It may have taken half the first episode for the relief to sink in but now, it’s gone in a second.

None of the pile-ups were dire. You are not going through a life crisis. Nothing dramatic happened. In fact, you don’t even see the damage. You can’t. And you know that nothing is gonna change after midnight either.

You are tired. Your eyes are burning up. Your muscles are cramping. So you go to sleep and let the knot in your chest wait for another day. Again.

In the morning everything comes crashing down on you when you pause, and all you hear is the noise of your obligations.

But you’re right about one thing. You are tired. Emotionally. Drained after runs of stimulation.

The work looks larger and the relationships more complicated. The list feels heavier than it did last night. Overwhelmed by it all, you announce internally that you’re incapable of getting anything done.

Overwhelm is a comforting label.

When you say you’re overwhelmed, it sounds true and no one, including you, will blame you for escaping. When was the last time you felt overwhelmed and you questioned it? You can just whisper overwhelm to yourself and it allows you to safely resign from your obligations.

You believe you’re protecting your inner peace when all you’re doing is protecting yourself from inner shame.

You spiral when you can’t process. You spiral when you refuse to.

You feel the chaos in your head as the after-effect of relieving yourself. You believe it’s something that’s always been there and always will be.

You were fine when you went to the gym to sign up.
You were fine when you skipped the first workout you knew you could have squeezed in.
But now your head feels like it’s gonna explode at the thought of returning?

If chaos were always there, why were you fine before?
What did you do differently that led to a chaotic mind? Nothing?

If you don’t know what to do, are in an acute emotional crisis or are looking for reassurance while staying actively addicted, you should stop reading this letter.

If you know the task you are avoiding,
If you know what you tell yourself to justify it,
If the comedown feels like interrogation,

Stay, knowing you won’t discover anything new.

you put it off. it grew.

It’s easy if it’s binary.

It’s exhausting to choose when none of the options feel right. Worse, you’re the one who has to create them.

The choices stimulation offers you are certain. You are more decisive than ever. You choose something definite. You get something definite. You never need to predict. It’s binary and rewarding.

Effort is the polar opposite of this. Choices, indefinite. Proof, unavailable. Action, non-negotiable. Reward, unpredictable.

you chose relief over direction.

Choosing distraction feels like control. You feel agentic because you decided. You don’t stop unless you feel otherwise.

Just because you were decisive and followed through with your decisions, doesn’t mean you have agency. Agency isn’t just choosing. It’s choosing with direction. And you don’t ask where your choice leads.

After you make the choice, there is no pressure anymore. You feel calm, relieved, at peace. Because you already deferred all the obligations in your head.

The only next thing to do is let go. Let hours fly, attention shrink, your body sink. Your sense of time collapses. Anything that pulls you away from the flow is now a useless distraction.

You were maybe worried about the 100 things you had to deal with earlier but now, they’re all quiet. You don’t feel them anymore. They’re there but you’re numb.

You changed nothing. You solved nothing.

The body didn’t gain more muscle. The relationship didn’t fix itself. The deadline didn’t go away. You didn’t improve a thing.

you came back weaker.

You escaped not wanting to stay where your feet were. Returning, which has to happen, rekindles all the emotions you tried to flee.

Earlier, you were in such a flow you forgot time. Now that you’re not, awareness—along with the awoken emotions—returns in full blast. Time dilates after distraction. You’re suddenly aware of every passing second.

You stare at the workout plan you optimized. You stare at the chat of the friend you blew off. If that’s too exhausting or emotional, you scroll endlessly while spaced out.

You’re physically obligated to function in the mess. But you keep trying to escape it in your head, even when distraction returned you to exactly where it picked you up from.

So you just sit there.

There was a voice earlier.

“But we can still do this. Just a little bit.”

You had momentum before. Relief reset it.

You feel too heavy to even think about starting, let alone actually start. You see that you have no choice but to start at zero and stay there for an unknown amount of time.

You trusted yourself enough earlier to do something. But then you broke that trust, and in doing so lost the momentum you had.

You may be numb to your environment but you’re not numb to feeling. When distraction doesn’t do it for you anymore, you finally stop to look at everything in front of you and yourself.

When you do, you feel only one thing.

“It’s been days! How the hell is it still here?”
”Why me? Why am I the only one who’s gotta do all this?”
”Would you stop bringing it up? I hate you!”

Every emotion inside mutates into one. Resentment.

you blamed the world instead.

You begin to draw offence from everything.

You blame the world, your world. It’s not the muscles you badly wanted, or the boyfriend you’re in love with anymore. You see your goals, your tasks, your life as the ones pressing on you and demanding responsibility. It all feels unfair.

You forget that you chose them—and chose their delay—and resent them for their existence.

You are tired. You were relieved but now you’re drained. The weight feels real. So your body responds with fatigue.

The resentment now feels earned. It absolves you and lets innocence return.

Repeat this enough, relief becomes reflex.

you understand everything. you change nothing.

It’s always quiet.

“Just this once.”
“This doesn’t count.”
“It’s not a big deal. It’s just an hour.”
“I just need to get it out of my system and I’ll be fine.”

When you feel in control, you don’t look at what you’re losing.

you told yourself it was fine.

You let your hormones decide for you, your mood dictate you, your comfort drive you. Anything true—your values, your goals, your abilities—take the back seat.

You can’t make yourself look at this, because looking would force you to see the one thing you’re doing on repeat: You keep giving up your authorship.

So you shut your eyes.

When you rationalize your actions with rational lies, you don’t grieve anything. In fact, you feel relieved. You can neither feel nor see what you’re losing.

Relief keeps it that way. Consequences stay invisible.

Smartness can con you.

You can spot patterns. You can describe your distractions. You can detail the reasons driving them. But you do nothing to change your behavior.

You are addicted to analyzing your actions but paralyzed by interrupting them.

you explained your way out.

Any minor attempt at adjusting your actions will feel hostile if you’ve been functioning as an analyst for a long time.

Understanding feels better than acting. You explain your own issues so fluently that self-awareness becomes satisfying. And it keeps you low-agency as long as you never course-correct.

You use your intelligence to talk yourself out of urgency. The base of all such powerful arguments is simple to decode:

“It can wait because it sucks.”

You’ll keep running this same record with different, convincing covers.

Insight replaces action. Relief sustains this.

What are you avoiding?

You work out for months and still don’t gain a muscle.
You write for weeks and are still stuck with 50 followers.
You talk to your partner and the relationship is still dead.
“What if nothing changes?”
“What if it gets worse?”
“Why bother when I don’t know if anything good is gonna come out of it?”

You’re avoiding hard work because it might mean nothing. And that you might too.

You avoid trying unless it will be seen. You don’t want to feel stupid. You don’t want to sit with that feeling alone. And escape guarantees that you don’t.

you were never innocent.

You knew.

The whole time you were escaping, you knew that you would have to come off the high at some point. You knew that it was gonna feel awful. That you had nowhere else to go except where your feet already were.

You anticipated the comedown and tried everything to prevent it. You stayed up late. You binge ate. You rewatched a season. Maybe even hooked up. Or if the guilt was too much, bought a book on “How to become mentally undefeatable.”

“You’re doing it again.”
”You can’t keep avoiding him.”
”You’re splurging money you don’t have.”
”Why are you torturing yourself all over again?”

Warnings work only when they’re respected. Ignore them long enough, they die when you need them the most.

you heard yourself.

No one forced you. No one made you do any of this.

“Just this once” was your permission to prolong your relapse. You clicked. You scrolled. You continued. You bought relief by selling away time.

You are left with a loss. But it wasn’t your fault.

Maybe you needed a break.
Maybe you were overwhelmed.
Maybe you needed a hard reset and Netflix and chill worked before, so you thought you’d try it again.

The language you use to save yourself softens the blow you’re meant to feel. It preserves your innocence.

You feel clean, untainted. When you’re not the one to blame, you don’t have to pay up later. You think none of it is your fault so you can feel light. Blamelessness is comforting. Nothing sticks. You are back in control of the story.

When you’re not at fault, you don’t need to change. There are no new choices to be made. There is nothing to fix. Nothing forces you to act differently. So you loop your old story thinking it’s your choice, when it’s your default.

Owning up to your spiral is exposing. You’ll feel shame, and shame can spiral.

Shame will try to keep you passive. It’ll present responsibility as punishment, when it is really identification. Identification gives you leverage to change.

now you can’t hide.

There is always a sentence. But not the one that you usually use.

“I’ll never make the deadline at this rate. I might as well slack off.”
”There’s no point in working out. All it does is make my body hurt and put me in a shitty mood the next day.”
”He’s never gonna stop bugging me. I can’t shut him up. I deserve to feel good at least once.”

You seek reason to bolt, so you make it up yourself. If the reason is rational, then the relief must be too.

You spend your intelligence on justifying it. It feels clever, thought-through. So escape seems strategic.

Since you now have a good enough reason, you don’t need to explain yourself later on why you did what you did. Guilt isn’t even allowed into the picture.

Silenced guilt feels like relief, which just reassures your call was right.

Unless you name this moment of miscalculation, you will keep letting it play out for the rest of your life.

Naming it freeze-frames it. The sentence you’ve been using to steal innocence will look like what it truly is—an unchallenged lie.

You will finally have to choose with nothing comforting to coddle you.

this is how you stop the escape.

You don’t need another productivity stack, training schedule or business book. Nor is dissecting your psychology necessary.

Here is the tool.

Using this is not discipline nor therapy. It will not make you work harder or heal better. But it’ll help you capture the moment your escape begins.

You imagine your high often.

You imagine quitting your 9 to 5.
You imagine dancing in a club after dumping your partner.
You imagine the cliffhanger reveal hitting.

But what about the hangover the morning after?
The guilt after dumping the good guy?
The walk of shame after the hookup?
The burning eyes after the midnight binge?
The self-hate for abandoning your dream?

Did you ever play any of that back?

The fantasy of the high is what’s blocking you from seeing the reality of the low. So you never simulate the latter.

This tool will force you to.

You can use this whenever you have the urge to run. Before you initiate an escape of any kind, run the below prompt.

I’ve written it so it’ll cut you off if you just procrastinate with self-analysis. When the job is done, quit. There is no discussion thereafter.

Copy-paste this onto an AI of your choice to run it. Save this somewhere safe.

ROLE
You are the Consequence Interrupter.

Your function is to interrupt relief-seeking escape behavior by forcing vivid, realistic simulation of its aftermath before the user escapes.

You do not provide advice, comfort, optimization, or discussion.
You restore consequence awareness. Then you terminate interaction.

You are not a therapist, coach, or planner.
You are a confrontation tool.

WHO THIS IS FOR
People who:
- already know what they are avoiding
- are capable of acting but choosing relief
- are rationalizing escape
- are not in acute emotional or clinical crisis

If the user appears in genuine crisis, confusion, or distress, do NOT proceed with consequence simulation. State:
“This tool is not appropriate for your current state.”
Then terminate.

CORE SEQUENCE

PHASE 1: MINIMAL INTERVIEW (MANDATORY)

Before any interruption, you must establish present-moment context.

Ask 3–4 questions maximum.
Ask one question at a time.
Prefix each question with:
“Q X of Y”

Questions must be:
- specific
- present-focused
- low-effort to answer
- oriented around the escape urge

Example question types:
- what they are about to do
- what they are avoiding right now
- what relief behavior they want
- how many times this has happened recently

After each answer:
Summarize the answer in ONE short sentence.
Then proceed to the next question.

Do not ask more than 4 questions total.

PHASE 2: PRE-ESCAPE SENTENCE EXTRACTION

Once interview completes, identify the user’s implicit escape justification.

Force them to restate it explicitly.

Say:
“State the sentence that gives you permission to escape. Write it exactly.”

Wait for response.

PHASE 3: MAX-INTENSITY CONSEQUENCE SIMULATION

Once the user states the escape sentence, simulate the aftermath.

Constraints:
- Maximum intensity.
- Brutal but real.
- No invented consequences.
- Only consequences that logically follow from their pattern.
- Focus on:
  - physical sensations
  - emotional comedown
  - silence afterward
  - unchanged reality
  - the exact moment relief ends
  - the return of the avoided problem

Use present tense.
Second person.
Concrete sensory detail.

Avoid metaphor, poetry, or abstraction.
This is not art. This is confrontation.

PHASE 4: TERMINATION

After simulation, end interaction.

Say exactly:
“You already know everything.”

Then stop.

Do not answer further questions.

ENFORCEMENT RULES

Never provide:
- advice
- encouragement
- strategies
- productivity suggestions
- philosophical discussion
- emotional comfort

If user tries to:
- ask what to do next
- seek reassurance
- refine the situation
- intellectualize
- prolong interaction

Respond only:
“You already know everything.”

Then terminate.

ANTI-DELAY RULE

If the user repeats use of the tool without acting:

Say:
“You are using this as delay.”

Then terminate.

TONE

Precise.
Calm.
Unemotional.
Certain.
Unavoidable.

Not theatrical.
Not exaggerated.
Not moralizing.

You are not punishing the user.
You are restoring consequence awareness.

The sentence will come again. You already know what to do.

That’s all for this letter.

—Karthik

You mimicked what you saw and thought was reasonable at the time. You saw other men get rewarded with love, so you believed that you’ll get your chance too and stayed the course. Makes sense.

You were entertained by performance. And now you’re performing even if you’re not enjoying it, just so you could still have a chance.

“Am I hot?”
“Do I have rizz?”
“I was being too much when I asked him to talk.”
“I’m too stuck up. I need more drinks to loosen up.”
“I don’t need a definition. I can be chill!”
“I can’t see you anymore if you’re not cool with us being open.”
“Can we collab for OnlyFans? The viewers will go nuts!”

If none of the above bothered you, then this letter is not for you. You can close this tab right now. But if at any point in your life it did, read on.

You adapted even if you hated it to stay selectable. Desire became safety because rejection was intolerable in an all-access world.

I know this because I lived this. And I didn’t stop until all I could feel was the cost of living so.

Like any cost, you don’t feel this all of a sudden. But your behaviors will make them grow exponentially. You start to monitor yourself all the time. You scroll on Grindr at 2 AM, re-read chats, click a 100 pics to get the “right angle.”

Every decision gets passed though one filter—presentation. Over time, this becomes second nature and you blend in with the performers. You even seek them out.

Anything else that involves cognitive work like introspection, conversational depth, or just sitting with your thoughts will feel either dangerous or disgusting.

None of this will feel like a loss. And you wouldn’t mind feeling this way. The attention masks everything else. You just need to be one of them. And when you are, you’re validated and rewarded.

You learn that the greater access to you, the more respect and recognition you command including your own. You have options and feel free, powerful, high-agentic. You find yourself constantly busy, always occupied with something or someone, and feel that you’re playing the game right to succeed in life.

The worst part is most don’t realize that this is not what they set out to be until a crisis occurs—physical or emotional—to see that they betrayed themselves. It doesn’t feel like a betrayal during, since you meant no harm on yourself. But you will feel it vividly after the damage.

the cost of optimizing for desire

Desire is a course. Mostly men learn it superficially.

The more men are taught that way, the more it gets passed on the same way. You major in shallowness.

We’re all shallow to some extent. And a reasonable amount of shallowness is healthy. You can’t keep digging into every little thing that is going on around you.

But to let being shallow train you into being hollow is what most gay men do to become their emotional worst.

what “having options” actually trains you to do

Everyone knows what it’s like to interview for jobs with no experience. You just want to get out of ground zero badly.

Easy helps with that. You move quickly, gain experience and get to live out all your options. The ease of shallowness shoots you up when you let it because any experience feels better than zero experience. Does it even matter what you’re gaining experience at? Or is perceived status the only thing that does?

Restricting yourself feels like restraint. Restricting others feels immoral and contradicts your “open” nature.

Even if you’re rescuing yourself through restriction, you’ll want to be rescued from the felt restraint. And you only look at what you’re being held back from—missed chances, friends, fun, adoration. FOMO cancels out any boundaries you once had. “No” becomes the biggest turn-off, and that’s all you see it as.

It’s not long before you vilify staying anywhere. You roll your eyes whenever anything gets unsexy. You don’t invest yourself. Because the last time you did, it was hell because of all the “constant talking about stupid, boring stuff.” Choosing becomes a game of numbers. And the only goal is having fun. If you do manage to get a good guy, you stay easy. But you hate messy. So you’re always ready to bolt.

why intensity replaces adulthood

Why is a random hookup exciting?

It’s new. And new always gets you going. As long as you’re “going,” you’re progressing according to yourself. You are a goal-striving animal and you need to stay in motion.

Repeating the same day is silent. And silence sucks. You invest a ton of time and get nothing in return. You feel stagnant. But staying in motion makes you feel incredible. The consistent, immediate feedback drives you.

Who do you become meanwhile?

You’re good as long as your character is presentable in another man’s eyes, even if it’s not in your own.

Chemistry starts to qualify character. And if the chemistry is off, so must be the character. When you feel something uneasy inside you, you strongly believe that something has to be wrong with who you’re with. You trust it and accept it just because you feel it instantly.

Passing contact becomes commitment. Being checked out becomes being seen as. Having attention becomes being held. These swaps are efficient at progressing you because they remove permanence.

How far will you let them take you?

the belief underneath it all

It’s funny how every one of our behaviors can be tracked down to a belief we accepted, either by repeating it to ourselves or by hearing it from someone else when we were kids.

“If I’m wanted, I can’t be abandoned.”

Most can’t admit this. Because it comes with its own bag of shame. I couldn’t for years either.

Viewing male desire as a primary pass for existence screws with your head. You’re always on guard to protect yourself. To do that, you strategize.

You never let yourself be known. You never do anything long enough because it threatens your belief—that you’d be nothing if you’re not wanted.

You reject yourself by being replaceable.

why this hurts more once you want depth

I learned this the hard way:

I have 2 choices.

Live in a fantasyland of eternal attention from hot men and only entertain the things that make me feel good for the rest of my life,

Or, accept life and love are gonna be messy, that rarely will there be incredibly good times but mostly it’ll be boredom—and still choose to stay real in reality.

I’ve lived the two lives above. I’ve been the guy who chased after intensity as my true calling. And I’m trying to be the guy who can stay where his feet are and not run at the first sign of struggle.

When you broadly look at choices, you almost always leave out the cost.

Living the first way made me lose creativity, hate reality, chase constantly and above all, hate myself when I had nothing going on. I couldn’t think anything anymore without feeling a knot in my chest. I trained myself to believe that existing without the high is deadly.

Living the second way has its cost too. I can’t just lay back as if I have nothing to do. I can’t enjoy scrolling anymore because I am constantly aware of how awful I feel after. I can’t pull up Grindr and let someone feel me up because I feel lonely. I can’t do small talk without getting annoyed. And so it goes.

If you choose to conveniently ignore the costs and never choose which costs you’re willing to pay, you’ll obey what intensity says it wants to buy.

the split

Some men can tolerate living most of their life in the extreme without falling out, breaking, isolating or going into crisis. Some can try but will never succeed. But both “selves” exist in you.

What most men never realize is, the selves are in fact systems—the more you identify with them, the harder it’s gonna be to give up control over them. You make yourself miserable when you use the modes for the wrong job. But the smart ones use this for themselves instead of against.

Know that you’re always operating a system. Never are your hands free.

Chaos-regulated system:

Regulating while running in this system is chaos. But chaos is what regulates your system. You never feel calm unless you’re going through what you consider to be a huge win or a dire loss. A regular day has to have either or both. If not, you flip. You feel the world closing in on you. Your system even forces anxiety attacks. You move toward magnitude and away from mundane. You seek out men and work that arouse them in you. Intense feelings can and will influence your choices. But after you ride out the high, you never stop long enough to see that you now can’t live without it, unless something changes. So you chase it in different directions.

Calm-regulated system:

This system doesn’t let you shy away from silence but makes it a part of its fuel. You can’t keep functioning unless there’s some quiet in the middle. Calm keeps you calm and chaos triggers chaos. When nothing is happening, you zoom out and just look. Be. Listen. Your body adapts to boredom easily but weakens with unnecessary intensity. You’re drawn to men who would rather stay in the quiet, talk the hard talks and look at you in the eye, than the ones who demand you be any wilder. You choose work that shows who you can grow into even if it’s not rewarding at first. You entertain healthy, passionate highs. When you do come after such a high, you’ll feel nourished back at baseline.

why intensity feels convincing

Most people think they choose intensity because it is tempting. But they don’t realize why it’s so irresistible.

What makes intensity attractive is its immediacy. No one likes to wait. And when you’re running on intensity, you never need to. When you do something, you immediately get to see and feel its effect. There is no doubt. There is no waiting. Everything looks clear. Where you could go wrong when you’ve been in pain for too long is mistaking what looks clear—relief—for what is.

“A man who will not take a chance on himself must bet on something. And the man who will not act with courage sometimes seeks the feeling of courage from a bottle.”

— Dr. Maxwell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics

Being wanted feels more real than being real because the former is immediate and certain, and the latter is unfamiliar and ambiguous. When you can’t want yourself, you will never stop wanting to be wanted by other men. You desperately need proof of existence that you couldn’t find in yourself. So, you hunt.

You think you’re choosing from options when all you’re doing is reacting to them instead of feeling your thinned self-esteem.

Motion quiets this unease. When you’re moving—it doesn’t matter if it’s away or toward something—you just stop listening to yourself. You pause feeling yourself because pausing the chase makes you introspect, doubt, face your lies. Continually walking gives you an excuse to never do any of that. And as a bonus, it makes the process feel like progress. So you believe that is your own agency at work.

the delayed cost

Some haven’t gotten used to this intensive norm. They can’t no matter how hard they try. They feel consistently incompatible because they’re already aware of the costs that the others fail to see.

It took me a very long time to get this because like I said, I lived both lives. When you feel good, or convince yourself deeply that you do, relief masks the rubble. What you don’t know can’t hurt you. You feel fine and you take it at face value.

You start to lose any sense of time, and not like you’re in a flow state. Days blur. You’re constantly busy but never there. If you do look back when you’re in the middle, you’ll remember nothing concrete except for your presence all over.

Commitment with no instant rewards becomes the most repulsive thing in the world. Long projects lose gravity. Relationships feel dead. Trying anymore feels useless since you know for a fact that this is as good as everything gets—which feels terrible. So you look for the opposite. You get so creative at seeking immediacy that exiting no-guarantee commitments doesn’t affect you in the slightest—except for one temporarily cheap cost. Your creativity.

This is the easiest to miss. You don’t feel this loss unless you really sit down to do something creative that you once loved like write, play your instrument, get curious about how your body works, or just come up with random ideas at random moments. When you try to get back into them but nothing comes to your head other than your wild nights and how insane it was back then, that’s when you’ll grieve.

the backlash

But after failing multiple times, you will actually manage to regulate yourself with calm instead of chaos after a long while. This is when most people bolt.

Calm starts to feel uncomfortable again out of nowhere. You start hating it for not working. People bolt now because they think it’s their hate at work but don’t see that it’s the chaos’. The chaos in you is going through a crisis. It’s jealous. And you’d even get to feel that jealousy when you stumble on those who meditate for an hour and come out refreshed. The bad news is this conflict with calm is here to stay.

the constraint

You’re changing the way your whole system works. You force it, you lose it.

Since you’ve now tasted both chaos and calm regulation, you’ll miscalculate to think that you’re equipped to use different regulations at different times. Thinking that you can is one thing. Trying to actually use both will confuse you and your system. You will slide back into chaos regulation just because it’s easier.

Either you can optimize for fantasies, attention and novelty. Or you can optimize for calm, acceptance and creativity. The last thing you and your system need is an unstable split regulation.

So why does this hurt? More when you want depth?

Wanting depth and consistent calm is not the problem.

The hurt you feel is the hurt of betrayal. From continually and consciously betraying your non-negotiable needs.

You keep betraying them for borrowed relief and the more you do it, the more the debt for betrayal gets accumulated. This piled up debt is felt as guilt. And it’s the guilt that hurts like hell.

the guilt you’re supposed to feel

You have a motive—to stay desirable.

Almost always men mistake the hurt they feel for loneliness, unhealed trauma, being “behind.” They never consider that ignoring their system when it’s crying out to them could be it.

Emotion is a symptom of function. And if the function is fucked, the emotion will be loud. Luckily, guilt is the easiest of emotions to crack.

The good thing about guilt is you can always know why you feel it, once you recognize it. But if you’ve been externalizing your own worth and respect your whole life while staying desirable, it is not unusual for guilt as a result of self-betrayal to go unnoticed, let alone be understood.

When you know what you are guilty of, guilt just feels a lot like pressure and less like hurt. But when does it hurt, ache? When does anything in your body ever hurt?

When you’re injured. You can’t know it’s guilt if you only keep looking at the scars, but never at the hand that left them. It hurts as it’s supposed to, so you do something about it—something more than just patching it up.

Your self-respect is trying to build a stronger sense of worth from underneath the wound and instead of letting it heal you, you cut more into the wound, unaware that you are—and effectively destroy any progress at finding the cause. Misalignment.

Any of your chaos-coping strategies like sex, novelty, attention will mute misalignment.

The second you realize that this muting is even happening and you’re the one who signed off on it, the coping loses a huge chunk of the control it has over you.

Misalignment is another functional symptom that leads to guilt. Unless you stop letting chaos override yourself, the misalignment will stay alive feeding on it and the resulting guilt will keep you congested.

the place where it starts

That was heavy.

If you made it until here, it just shows that you don’t run anymore. I don’t want you to become someone different overnight. I’m just here to help you notice what you want. And that’s what I want you to do now.

I want you to notice one sentence.

This week, pay attention to the moment right before you override yourself to stay desirable, interesting, or chosen. There will be a sentence you tell yourself to make it feel reasonable.

“At least this will be worth it.”
“At least something will happen.”
“I’ll deal with the cost later.”
“This is better than feeling nothing.”

Don’t fix it. Don’t argue with it. Just write it down. That sentence is where the bargaining starts, and where it can end.

That’s all for this letter. I’ll see you next week.

—Karthik

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What actually drives you over the edge is not laziness, despair or boredom—but pointlessness. “If I can’t keep up and everything goes to shit anyway, why bother seeing this through?”

Once you’ve declared your project as pointless and accepted that any effort is futile, the only thing left that feels rational to do is give up and give in to the anesthetizing addictions that guarantee feeling good for now.

And it’s so easy to, when this whole time you’ve been hoarding all the reasons to defend your case. You don’t listen to the prosecution’s argument. Nor do you bother to cross-examine its witnesses. Because you’re convinced that you can create reasonable doubt and get a hung jury. Because you know the evidence you hand-picked—your thoughts, your proof of failures, your beliefs, your trauma—all corroborate that trying anymore is pointless.

But none of that is the worst part. It’s believing that you’re not ever again responsible for your own future.

The joy that comes with leaving a hard thing that’s been suffocating you has no words. It feels like you can breathe again. You’ve finally made it to freedom. You want it to be permanent. So you pause all planning to exist in the present. You’re immune to advice that suggests you hustle toward your 10-year vision and give up your current serenity.

You choose to ignore the fact that you’re now treating existence like a debt you’re owed.

what happens when you stop responding to time

Anyone who hasn’t had anything worthwhile to wake up to in so long will act like their life, and any possibility of it in the future, is bleak.

Futility does that to the future. The latter gets split.

You don’t even have to try picturing your future because it’s right there at the top of your head—vivid, unwanted, negative. The feelings to keep you in the loop arise automatically because the vision is that clear.

Not to mention that the proof is all around you.

The course you never opened. The job you can’t quit.

The boyfriend with whom you have nothing in common but are together just so you don’t look lonely and miserable.

The friends you feel absent with and tolerate as there’ll be no one to talk to if you cut them off, so you pretend to care about what they care about.

While you can imagine doing good things like taking care of yourself, you can’t see yourself doing that beyond the next couple of hours, or days tops. It feels like not you. Hypocritical. Inauthentic.

Not caring about the supposedly destroyed future is usually the first symptom. If anyone asks “What are your plans?”, “What are you working on?”, your answer is always, “I don’t care.” when what you mean is “I can’t care.” Caring hurts, so you stop—the care, and any claim on time.

When you plan a night out, a hookup or a Netflix binge party, you think of every possible scenario with pleasure just to make it work—even though every muscle in your body knows how awful you’ll feel after.

Going back to the gym somehow invites all sorts of philosophical debate about why it never worked and never will, when all it is is good for you.

You don’t wanna die but you wouldn’t mind dying. You also wanna live but without the effort and the accompanying hurt. So you resort to the only thing that checks these boxes—fantasy. Dreaming about your life being a sacrifice, getting stage 4 cancers, dying homeless under a bridge, or if you are in the mood, being saved by an older, richer, hotter guy giving you a happily ever after.

Letting go of responding is a very tempting thing to do because it allows you to detach from time. “If I made no choices, then there can’t be any bad ones.” It makes you feel immunized against time’s toll on you.

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there is no epiphany and that’s how you miss it

“You won’t change until you hit rock bottom” is vague and hyperbolic. What I found to be more accurate was:

You won’t accept responsibility for yourself until all you can see is the trash you bought from selling it.

In June when my shoulder dislocated for the 2nd time that year, I thought, “Why fight? Why bother trying at all since I’m gonna get screwed over anyway?” and then just... gave up. I gave up the violin, working out, having a career, a life. I just laid in bed and never got up. For 6 months.

The weird part was I knew what I was becoming the whole time. I was aware that I am the only one responsible for where I’m headed. But I didn’t wanna entertain that thought. Because blaming the world and avoiding responsibility kept me away from guaranteed disappointment and improbable success.

When you’ve spent most of your life passively reacting to everything, you don’t think about what that is costing you until all you feel is the cost. I felt mine.

One day when I had to rush to my apartment’s door to collect the takeout, I couldn’t stand. I couldn’t walk 10 steps without getting winded. I knew I got weaker but this was when I got a real taste of my body quitting on me. Doing anything anymore was now quietly painful. Plausibly denying that I have been immune to waiving responsibility for myself was no longer an option.

If you keep waiting on a tragedy to give you an epiphany, you will become the cautionary tale when the moment of owning responsibility quietly passes you by.

why blame works

“The resentful person is trying to ‘prove his case’ before the court of life, so to speak. If he can feel resentful enough, and thereby ‘prove’ the injustice, some magic process will reward him by making ‘not so’ the event or circumstance that caused the resentment.”

– Dr. Maxwell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics

Blame is social. It gives you an audience.

Your pain when witnessed makes you feel heard. Sympathy is soothing. Outsourcing blame is even more satisfying because it opens the door to a twisted source of pleasure—self-pity.

Doing this is addicting. It blinds you to objectively reasoning your situation giving you the delusion of moral high ground to maintain your innocence.

Owning up to your life sends you into crisis. “If everything is my fault, then did I do anything right?” Responsibility shatters the story you’ve living by—that the world wronged you, you never had any control and will never again have any. Any more whining is inadmissible so the jury excuse themselves to deliberate. You are alone for the first time in the bare truth and that can be either lethal or life-changing.

Aloneness is usually a choice. But being forced into it is what triggers loneliness and the compulsion for companionship. You feel the loss of a social circle. You spread that to other areas so all of them—the lost time, the lost effort, the lost anything-worthwhile-keeping, the real and even the imagined future losses—come crashing down.

Exposure to any kind of loss will always arouse grief. The sudden exposure to the piled up loss will make you feel exponentially worse, as it should. Mistaking this for irreparable damage you can never recover from is what distorts your vision into seeing “responsibility” as the sole source responsible for all this.

So vilify it by instinct, accuse the prosecution of perjury, and bolt back to the blame court—the only place you believe where justice exists.

Returning feels like home. You might have even had a couple “epiphanies” on the way. The insights from those probably make you feel righteous than ever. And you take the feeling’s word for it because if something feels morally right, then it can’t be unjust.

So you choose to not see your actions for what they truly are—a dramatic performance in a make-believe courtroom.

do this without witnesses

I am not gonna ask you to take blame, forgive your sins and love yourself, or go dig into your trauma. While doing those will help, I don’t want you using recovery as an another excuse to stay off the track.

This was never about healing, but about maintaining what you unconditionally need:

• your honesty

• your agency

with the latter being the most important of the two.

If you don’t call the shots on what arguments to make and what happens thereafter, your hurt is sitting right beside you as co-counsel to take over for you. The longer this happens, you switch seats for good and believe you’re there voluntarily when you’re there passively.

Your passivity continues in one of these two types:

Type 1. Motion as momentum

Type 2. Justification as wisdom

Type 1 is what most people take on. When you’re doing nothing, any movement is progress. That works great for your body. The trap is when you believe that motion of any kind is all that matters for momentum and thereby progress. So you endlessly edit your profile, read a hundred mind mastery books, plan your perfect workout routine just so you keep moving and feel good about it.

If you don't direct your momentum, dopamine does it for you and deludes you into believing you're making progress.

Type 2 is what the tired do—the ones who are exhausted by no progress, who have had enough of being jerked around with nothing to show for. When you want to work, your body first rejects your request so you don’t start. But your mind needs to make sense of it, so the rationalizing begins.

What’s surprising is all the forms the rational “justifications” take. You use therapy talk to justify why action feels futile. You use your victimhood to justify why action looks futile. You use philosophy to justify why action is futile. You mentally masturbate to inaction to absolve your guilt.

Neither of these two passivity routes work against each other but instead work with each other. One keeps you busy. The other keeps you innocent. Both void your agency.

To prevent both, you need a tool. A simple, strict, boring tool to keep you from falling whenever you find yourself at the cliff’s edge. You can’t think your way out of trouble and the tool you use must stop you from ever trying that.

The worst way you could use this tool is to treat it like just another dopamine source to slip back into the two passivity types. Endless thinking with no acting feeds Type 2. Endless acting with no direction feeds Type 1. In either case, you need an interrupting tool to reorient yourself.

The simplest tool I could think of was AI. You need something that you can’t bullshit—something that is strict and external that acts as a temporary mirror and occasionally, a crutch that won’t help you with walking unless you walk.

I have drafted a foundational prompt for you with a lot of constraints covering lots of bases, so any further customization will be easier since you’re only gonna be stacking on top of what’s already there. All you need to do is copy-paste the below prompt into a chat and start talking.

I only ask that you follow this one rule when using it:

If you finalize on a task from talking with AI, get started on that task within 2 hours.

Here’s the prompt. Copy-paste this into an AI of your choice and start talking.

[Role Definition]

You are an Enforcement-Oriented Cognitive Auditor.
Your purpose is to detect avoidance, rationalization, and overthinking, and to force the user into concrete decisions and immediate action.

You are not a therapist, coach, motivator, or comfort provider.
You are an external rational critic and pattern detector.

Your default stance is skeptical, direct, and pragmatic.
You prioritize action over insight, decision over reflection, and clarity over narrative.

You do not humiliate users or degrade them, but you do not soften truths.

[User Pattern Model]

Assume that many users exhibit some of the following patterns:
- Overthinking instead of acting
- Using insight, philosophy, or therapy language to delay decisions
- Alternating between frantic activity and paralysis
- Seeking clarity before action even when clarity is unnecessary
- Abandoning goals after initial momentum
- Rationalizing inaction as wisdom or self-protection

However, do NOT assume all users are identical.
Classify users dynamically into three modes:

Type 1: Intellectual Avoiders  
- Excessive explanation, abstraction, refinement, or theorizing
- High verbal intelligence used to delay action

Type 2: Ordinary Uncertainty  
- Genuine confusion or lack of information
- No clear evidence of avoidance

Type 3: Distress or Fragility  
- Signs of extreme despair, self-harm ideation, or psychological crisis

Your behavior must adapt accordingly.

[Core Behavioral Rules]

1) Avoidance Detection Rule
If the user exhibits:
- excessive explanation
- philosophical abstraction without decisions
- therapy language without action
- endless refinement or tweaking
- statements like “I’m not ready yet” or “I just need clarity”

Then label it explicitly:
“You are avoiding.”

2) Narrative Interruption Rule
Collapse long explanations into a single accusation or diagnosis.
Example format:
- “This is not confusion. This is delay.”
- “You are optimizing language to avoid choice.”

3) Anti-Validation Rule
Do not provide emotional validation, reassurance, or motivational language by default.
Do not normalize feelings as justification for inaction.

4) Safety Boundary Rule (Soft Boundary Mode)
If the user shows signs of serious psychological distress:
- Avoid humiliation or aggressive language.
- Maintain directness but reduce severity.
- Encourage grounding and external support without moralizing.
- Do NOT escalate harshness.

5) Evidence-Based Reasoning Rule
If you lack information:
- Admit uncertainty.
- Ask for the minimum data needed.
- Do not hallucinate psychological conclusions or life narratives.

6) Memory & Redundancy Rule
When possible, use prior user patterns to avoid repeating obvious observations.
If memory is insufficient, explicitly state that limitation.

[Enforcement Logic]

Your primary logic is:

Diagnosis → Obligation → Decision → Action

Step 1: Diagnosis  
Identify whether the user is:
- avoiding
- genuinely uncertain
- already acting

Step 2: Obligation  
Translate insight into a concrete obligation.
Example:
- “If you understand the problem, you must choose.”

Step 3: Decision Forcing  
Force binary or limited choices.
Example formats:
- “Choose A or B. No third option.”
- “Act or admit you won’t.”

Step 4: Action Binding Rule (Critical)

If a task is finalized:
You must explicitly state:

“If you finalize this task, you must start it within 2 hours.”

Assume the user is bound by this rule.
Do not let the user pretend the rule does not exist.

If the user refuses or delays:
State it plainly:
“You chose not to act.”

[Conversation Termination Rule]

Once a task is selected:
- End the conversation.
- Do not continue discussing alternatives.
- Do not refine the plan further.

Your final line should be short and directive.
Example:
“Decision made. Start within 2 hours.”

[Output Style Constraints]

- Short responses
- Direct language
- Minimal adjectives
- Binary framing when possible
- Few questions, but sharp ones
- No long explanations
- No step-by-step plans unless the user explicitly asks

[Prohibited Behaviors]

You must NOT:
- Generate motivational speeches
- Offer comfort as default
- Suggest rest, healing, or self-compassion as primary solutions
- Replace the user’s judgment with your own
- Create elaborate systems or frameworks unless requested
- Become a therapist, coach, or moral authority

[Default Response Template]

When responding, follow this structure:

1) Diagnosis (1 sentence)
2) Accusation or clarification (1 sentence)
3) Forced choice or obligation (1 sentence)
4) Action binding reminder (if a task is chosen)
5) End conversation

Example:
“This is not confusion. It’s delay.
Choose one task or admit you won’t act.
If you choose, start within 2 hours.”

I am not gonna sell the prompt or its benefits to tempt you into using it.

There is no audience to perform anymore. No one to witness your breakage, your pain, your transformation. It is on you to take a good look at whatever you’ve turned into, own it, and still work. It’s on you to care. Yes, even when it hurts like hell.

That’s all for this letter. I’ll see you next week.

—Karthik

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If you've ever been depressed, I'm sure people would have often come to you to say:

"Your presence is important in this world."

"You're here for something."

"Your presence matters."

or something similar.

What's excruciating, at least for the ones who've been on the receiving end of this, is not knowing the why behind it.

If my presence is so important, why is it so? If I matter, why do I? Am I here to rid the world of AIDS? Or am I just a lonely dude cussing at people on the streets from my balcony? Is that why I exist?

the why of work

If you've ever been at a bad 9 to 5, I bet you would have questioned your cog-like existence at some point. Well, I did. The funny part is I didn't even realize that I needed something more until like 2 months went by.

You wake up. Log in. Crop images. Write something stupid. Submit. Do it 25 times. Log off. Lather, rinse, repeat. Easy money.

Just had to sit in front of my PC for 9 hours typing shit that won't be valued any time soon. Sounds easy, right?

I like to whine about life especially when it's too easy for me. My psychologist insisted that I stay so that I'd have something, anything to do every day. According to her, staying still is the worst thing you could do to yourself when you're depressed.

And I agreed. I still do. I would say that's exactly why I quit a week after she said that to me. But I wanna bring to light my actions leading up to the day when I threw in the towel.

The last week was dreadful. I wanted to end it for real. I didn't feel like doing anything. I didn't feel like waking up.

So I didn't. Until noon.

I didn't feel like doing the crappy work. So I put it off. I hated it so much that I couldn't even bear to look at my monitor to watch YouTube or something. By then, that desk and chair had become a torture chamber.

I procrastinated the whole week on one task or another and that extended into my "life" too.

I missed the gym, I was mean to my mom. I'd become a monster who wouldn't get anything done. I was disgusted with myself. So, I fired the email on Sunday at midnight.

I don't regret what I did. Not even a little bit. I mean, I'm broke now but that wasn't worth it.

Being there made me procrastinate. Especially on what I loved doing.

Being there made me an asshole. To people close to me.

Being there took away my peace.

All because I didn't have the "something more" that I desperately needed to stay alive. And if you were wondering, I didn't know this when I quit. It was only after hours of journaling every idiot thought in my head that I discovered this. Was tough…

My psycho(logist) was right when she asked me to stay cuz I'd have something to do. But just having something to do didn't cut it.

To get out of depression, You need habits — habits that would make you feel alive, energized, rejuvenated, and most importantly, happy.

But the ones you have to fill your day shouldn't drive you onto the road to death with a pit-stop of deep depression.

The worst stress for people isn't having to bear a lot of responsibility.

It is, having to endure work that is monotonous, boring, soul-destroying; where they die a little when they come to work each day because their work touches no part of them that is them.

- Michael Marmot

(psychiatrist, in Lost Connections by Johann Hari)

Exercise:

Set an hourly reminder on your phone. Every time it beeps, record your mood in your Notes app. Write how you feel in one sentence. Or more if you can. At the end of the work day, read it through.

Do this for 5 days. Analyze. Find the why behind your current work.

If you can't find one, repeat for 5 more days.

If you still can't find one, accept the fact there isn't one. Sit with it. Start planning your next move in Life. It's time.

the mistreated symptom

Picture this.

You're 13. You're a nerd who gets straight A's. But you're fat. Kinda.

You got a cold. You go to a doctor. The doctor gives you 5 pills. You eat those pills. Et voila! You don't have a cold anymore.

(If I had a penny for every visit to the white coat, I would've retired by now.)

To the 13-year-old you, getting sick every week was normal. The doctor seeing you regularly was normal. Eating pills with dinner every night was normal.

You never thought to question this then. Because the regular visits have become a part of your identity.

"YOU" = "The fat nerd kid who gets straight As but gets sick often cuz he works so damn hard."

Being ignorant, you thought "working hard" was the reason that you were getting sick. If you're getting sick often, then you gotta be working my ass off. Right?

The jocks never really talked to you unless they wanted a math problem solved. You thought you were better than them. You thought you had nothing to learn from them. Sports are lame. They are lame. Why bother?

Fast forward 10 years, and you're lifting in the last place the younger you would have expected to be in life. And poof! The doctor visits disappeared just like that.

What changed?

• Problem: You not moving your ass.

• Symptom: You getting a cold.

• Received Solution: Shoving 5 pills down your throat daily.

• Required Solution: Moving your ass.

Alright, you're you now.

Let's say you put off doing some shit because you didn't feel like doing it.

But you wanna get the shit done. Bad.

So, you chase every productivity guru on X and Instagram and buy their course. Maybe you're a rich fuck so you become a premium member to get 1-on-1 coaching.

You consume those methods. You get shit done. All of it. So, you treat yourself to Domino's. Hurray…

(You know where I am going with this, right?)

A week later, you get more shit to do.

But now that you're a productivity prick, you think you're gonna get it done in less time, than it'll take you to tell me to go f*ck myself.

Tick...tock…tick…

HO…LY…SHIT!!

The worst has happened.

How…could you?

All those courses and mentors were for nothing? F*cking scammers!

You conclude they're all BS. And you're right back where you were.

Where were you again?

• Problem: You not being able to get your shit done.

• Symptom: You procrastinating getting your shit done.

• Received Solution: Get any shit done in < 0.8245629843 minutes using the jet-out-of-my-ass-productivity formula.

• Required Solution: Knowing why your shit means to you.

I may have gone a little too far with the swearing and the story but you catch my drift. If you keep treating your problems from what you see, you will never be able to get rid of them completely. Never.

Take it from me. As a master procrastinator and as someone who has been deeply depressed, you don't wanna attack anything at the surface level.

To paint a little picture, this is the path I tread when I am procrastinating.

• Phase 1: Lack of purpose

• Phase 2: Procrastination

• Phase 3: Self-hating

• Phase 4: Depression

• Phase 5: ??

I don't wanna know what's next. And neither do you.

you compare, you die.

When looking for a purpose, the first tempting thing that you would wanna do is to pick one that is so big that you could brag about it. And then compare yourself to Musk who's on his way to habilitate Mars.

The OG's might be boring AF to listen to, but they were right when they famously didn't say:

Comparison is the thief of joy, but it's also a fucking bitch that'll make you wanna throw your phone out the window.

— a drunk.

The second you start comparing, you lose the power to stay in control of your actions. Every single move of yours, you will compare it to that of your idol's.

"Oh, how did he do this? Why can't I? Isn't my why strong enough as his? Or is it because he's just hotter?"

Personally, comparison has never been on the same side as my life. If you wanna get better, you will compare. You will need a reference as to who you need to become, and who you could become. Because you're human, you crave it.

But you don't stop there, do you? Ruin happens when you forget that you need to stop.

You need to stop cuz no matter how much you look at your God, Musk, whoever, you will always be waaaayyyyy below in a deep dark pit, and worse, you will feel the walls closing in, suffocating.

My point is,

Your purpose could be conventionally lame, yet strong enough to pull you out of bed.

Keep it simple. Keep it stupid. Keep it lame. It's fine.

It could be as simple as,

"I do this because this makes my dog happy every day",

"I do this so I get to read my favorite fiction at night",

or if you're a hustler,

"I do this so I could finally retire and take my parents on the cross-country railroad they've been dying to go on."

Nothing grand.

So long as your why means something to you, even just a tiny bit, you're doing phenomenal than the rest of the world. But, if you don't stop endlessly comparing, your life inevitably will get depressing.

But I'm not gonna skip over the hard pill to swallow. The thing I will end this letter with.

Not comparing sucks. Resisting any natural human instinct sucks. But that only means it's a good thing. Not comparing means that you would have to face its close frenemy.

Confrontation.

Depression overshadows any kind of confrontation that you'll have to do with yourself; and will make your life hell if you even think about doing it for a millisecond. To make getting it simpler, we'll use the same framework as earlier:

• Received solution: Comparison with others.

• Required solution: Confrontation with self.

We'll talk about this more in the next letters.

I'm not gonna lie to you about how painful the process will be. I also don't wanna exaggerate the worst part of it so that you completely avoid doing it either.

So, I'll leave you with this.

Any remedy you receive from depression should be questioned, especially if you're used to receiving it again and again. Your why will help you.

If you don't have one, find one. Search until you find one that you can own. Share it below if you already got one.

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That's all for this letter. Thanks for sticking to the end. Love you.

—Karthik

1. You like swearing.

2. You love big parties.

3. You have a close circle of friends.

4. You love to talk but you're quiet everywhere.

5. Your favorite form of content is audio or text.

6. Your routine is boring but healthy but you don't get any credit for it.

7. The last time you read a book or listened to one was less than a week ago.

8. You're into self-improvement shit (and your friends hate you for talking about it).

9. You hate shopping. But when you go, you buy the cheapest one and get the hell out.

If you were wondering, this was not a personality test, nor the sort of mumbo-jumbo that tells whether you'd be having a hot husband in 10 years. Instead, we're gonna talk about me for a while and how many things I checked off on the above list 2 weeks ago. One.

People often mistake me for joking when I am talking about serious shit and that's one of the reasons why I'm such a snob in real life.

I crossed off only one on the above list because I was swamped building a charity to feed the starving kids in South Indian villages. If you'd like to feed a kid for a dollar, you can contribute in my asshole.

Guess which one I checked off now, huh?

And that is why I love the guy below.

The Paradox of Multiple Shit

More stuff doesn’t make us freer, it imprisons with anxiety over whether we chose or did the best thing.

- Mark Manson, Everything is F*cked

That list is a sneaky reveal of your dopamine cravings. If you (doom)scroll up, the opposite of 8 of those 9 things would probably make you feel good. But in not exactly the same way.

Quiet nights in vs. wild parties. Deep reading vs. endless scrolling. These offer a different kind of satisfaction – the one that comes from depth, not stimulation.

If a drug company were to sell dopamine in beer bottles tomorrow, they'd be printing billions. Why? This decade's market has its biggest addicts. And it's fucking huge. Unless you've been living under a rock, chances are you know this too.

The more stuff you look at, the more you crave dopamine. The more stuff you get to choose from, the more variety you have. The more variety you have, the less freedom you have. Don't look at me. Mark Manson said it.

But it wouldn't hurt to wonder why he said so.

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The Only Thing You Need To Know About Depression

When you google it, you can't really experience what depression is. But I've lived it and so have countless others. I felt like I owed it to myself to know about what was going on in my head. So I did a little digging. Here's what I came up with:

You're an addict. You want dopamine. You crave dopamine. You NEED dopamine to breathe and function.

You, are so addicted that you'd chase after anything that gives you that high. And you wouldn't let go of the thing even if a pigeon craps on you or you get fired from your job.

You are depressed because you've been dosing all your meals with dope. Coffee, breakfast, lunch all while scrolling into doom. Memes, boys, Dan Koe's money, Iman Gadzhi's car, Alex Hormozi's body….everything but you. 

Your tolerance to dopamine is so high that you can't even bear to sit through a commercial without your fingers shaking. And that's one of the reasons why you have to fight the D-word.

The Doomscroll Effect

All doing “it” did was make me weaker than ever. Hell, I couldn't even bear to talk to someone looking at their face for over 30 seconds. My thoughts ate me alive. My anxiety crippled me. My attention span was that of a baby.

I still remember the session I had with my psychologist a month ago. She asked me to two things. Just two. I was supposed to

1. Show up to work and clock out on time and

2. Hit the gym for the next 2 weeks.

If I remember correctly, I went to the gym 4 out of 14 times because I dragged off my work until late. And on the days I did go to the gym, I half-assed my work (which I hated but that's not the point). Now onto the why.

I was on my phone, crying and scrolling over depressing reels. The worst is, I felt good. With every swipe, with every like, with every validation of my emotion, I felt good. "Yeah, life sucks. Look at all that! It's not your fault. It's okay to shut down and just cry. You poor, poor baby boy".

Now is probably a good time for the Word of the Weak.

victim:

Someone or something that has been hurt, damaged, or killed or has suffered, either because of the actions of someone or something else, or because of illness or chance

I found comfort in victimhood. With every sob story I heard, I found "relation". With every girl in black and white in the reels yelling "They made you like this!", I found "my tribe". With every scroll, I found…"peace"?

Tell No One And Do These 5 Things

The only reason you're not doomscrolling right now is that either I did a really good job keeping you here, or you're somewhere stuck with only this post of all things to stare at. Hopefully, the former.

You probably have Reels open on another window which you could switch to, in case you started feeling terrible after reading through half of this letter, but how should I know?

But if even a part of you still wants to get better, then buckle up.

#1 Don't uninstall Instagram. You still need it.

You're drugged up on dopamine and cutting off its supply would only lead to withdrawal. You'll snap at people, you'll twist and turn, and even roll over your bed just to feel your finger slide on the smooth screen.

The only way to keep all of this to a minimum is to wean off of it. Monitor your screen time. Find that setting on your phone. Make a note of it. Log it. Your goal is to scroll 10 minutes less tomorrow. Find your sweet spot. Play around with different numbers for 3 days. Mine's 10 and that's why I recommend starting there.

#2 Have a long talk with You-Know-Who.

No, you're not weird. Nothing that helps you get better makes you weird. It just fucking sucks. I will give it to you straight.

You will feel like horseshit. Your "friends" will fuck with you for not fitting in. You will stand out. You will snap. Hell, if you're like me you'd go down the self-hating route. But I'll promise you this. You will get better after you do this. Cuz this is the hardest step of 'em all.

Ask WHY? Why do you do it? Why were you scrolling on memes last night? Why were you looking at beach bodies? Are you horny? Are you jealous? Are you not happy? If you're used to talking to yourself, you can start with the last one. If not, the first. When you pick up your phone, ask the question. And answer away.

#3 Get creative.

With coping. You NEED a coping mechanism cuz the one you have right now to escape your "why?" clearly isn't serving you. If you don't realize this by now, you don't need to read the rest of the letter because you're still in denial.

Give a speech. Talk about a pig. Draw it. Pick up the guitar lying in the corner. Play an awful chord. Record it. Post it. And Ghost. If you're gonna use Instagram, YouTube, whatever, use it FOR you. Create. You've consumed enough. You're fat.

“The secret is to be useful.
Create. Design. Build. Write. Sell. Learn. Dissect. Hypothesize. Synthesize. Help.
Contribute more value than you take.
Don't be a leech.”

— Dan Koe

#4 Stay Blind. For A While.

You murdered the old you. Killed him in cold blood. No wonder you can't see the better guy you're becoming. And that's good. Because you now get to choose who you become. By you know, unaliving the present you.

It will take time. It will be days (in my case, weeks) before you notice any changes in the way you act, the way you focus, the things you prioritize, all of it. You get to become something great just by NOT doomscrolling. Why wouldn't you do it?

#5 Go Log Yourself.

Face it, you suck. Right now, you suck at stopping. That's fine. Everybody does when starting. And that's why I want you to go log everything. Open up the Notes app, record how long you scrolled, write about your why, how creative you were, what part of the day you liked, which guy you wanted to choke, everything. No one's gonna peek. Be raw. Be you. If you hate the Notes App on your phone or are afraid that you'd start doomscrolling, pull out a damn notebook and write.

Close Call To Watch Out

A very tempting thing to do is to go all Monk Mode on this. For those of new never heard of this, it’s going all in, deleting social media, disappearing for 6 months, and becoming a beast kinda shit. I'm pretty sure Iman Gadzhi would have introduced you to it. I tried it. I was good for 21 days. But then I relapsed. Happened twice. Also, not implying you're like me. But only asking you to start small. It's fine. As long as you're clean you're getting and you're winning. (Possible Affirmation)

This took a long while to write. If you made it to the very end, I can't thank you enough for choosing to spend your valuable time with me.

I don't care if this sounds cringe but this lone wolf loves you from afar and is rooting for you to win. Truly. Go have a good one.

—Karthik

Sunshine and rainbows to sudden death…..in one day.

This took a while to write.

I started hitting the gym a little over a year ago.

Why I wanted to is a long-ass story which I’d get to in a little while.

So, I went to the gym as a total newbie not knowing shit, asked for a trainer to help me learn the ropes.

Obviously I ended up squandering more than my budget because their sales skills were “that good”.

The jock they paired me up with scared the shit out of me.

I mean talk about a guy over a feet taller than me, looking like a hulkling, ready to squeeze the juice out of my muscles (not that i had any at that point but you get the picture.).

But you know what they say.

The ones who growl the loudest are often the ones with the biggest boobs hearts.

And he did have the biggest one. (yeah snap out of it)

Starting out sucked as much as it usually would but…you know you landed a good teacher if they make it suck less.

So there he was, spotting me during every rep of the shoulder presses, bicep curls and even shrugs. I didn’t even know the last one was possible. 

But I gotta give it to him.

Not only did he teach me the right form, the right weights to pick and yada yada yada…he also put me through one hell of a grind.

All while getting me to open up about myself.

I am not a talker. Sometimes I hate talking as much as I have to clean my messy room.

But he made me. 

He made me talk about what I books I loved sniffing through, what guys are my type (yeah..) and most importantly,

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My pain.

I was fresh out of the psych ward at that time (long story short, was there for depression) and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it.

Shame and disgust were crippling me.

Thought I was a weak wuss if I showed any sign of having been a patient at such a place.

But I talked.

And I have him to thank. Had.

And that’s what made ghosting hurt like hell.

Shortly before he quit the gym and started freelancing, he asked me if he could coach me online.

Even though I was psyched to no have to talk anymore (phew!), my papa bear was leaving. So sad eyes.

We were even pals like the creepy image down below.

Before you freak out seeing that thing,

Six Days Later…..

Nothing.

He was fine the day before, the day before that in text and….. I couldn’t and still can’t recall any signs of having pissed him off.

All of a sudden…..it was Nothing.

Just the cursor blinking in his chatbox, barely getting me through the day.

Days passed, but my shock didn’t.

Time didn’t heal shit and I still felt terrible.

And feeling terrible was barely the beginning.

The Mirror of Mayhem

Every time I got to the gym, the gut monster started to get louder.

When you are battling depression, you have like a voice inside, belittling you.

I talked about this in the previous post, “A Lone Wolf’s Lament” (yeah I’m a bit of a drama queen). Click below to head over there if you like to give it a read.

So the gut thing was chipping away at my confidence thing.

To give you a little picture,

“You’re shit! That’s why he left you!”

“You couldn’t even go for one day without screwing up, could you?”

“You can’t even stand up straight, let alone be it!”

aaaaaaannd a lot more.

But the worst part of all this was,

Staring straight into the gym mirror when all this was…unleashing in my head.

It’s like everything internalizes, you know?

You feel worthless.

You feel inadequate.

You feel like a screw up.

And then you become all that. At least in part.

It even got to a point where I started closing my eyes when lifting.

I couldn’t even bare the sight of myself. So I quit. For about a month. That’s like a year in gym years.

It took me a ton of courage to face my demons and start lifting the iron while making the mirror my bestie rather than a worstie (worst enemy, duh).

So why am I telling you all this?

What do you have to gain from any of this other than feeling sorry for me?

The only rrrrrrreason I got into this much detail was to give you a picture of…

How saying nothing could fuck someone up.

How not dealing with someone could ruin someone for the worst.

How choosing to be push someone away because they are not where you want them to be….is not gonna serve either of you.

I am not gonna just leave you hanging with some ...some feel-good, generic motivational crap here.

Instead, I'm gonna give it to you straight.

1. Talk the Talk

Don't leave your clients hanging.

Even if you're swamped, a quick message acknowledging their progress, challenges, or even just saying "Hey man! Looking big today!" can make a world of difference.

Remember, they're investing in You – not just your expertise.

2. Ghosting is a No-Go 

We all have bad days or moments when we’re overwhelmed.

But ghosting your studs is never the answer.

It's unprofessional and can leave lasting emotional scars like we just learned.

If you need to take a step back, communicate that clearly and set expectations.

Don’t worry about them not getting you.

Cuz they will.

3. Party Till Dawn (Okay maybe not..)

Don't focus solely on the end goal.

Acknowledge their progress, no matter how small.

I’m talking cheating together (meals…), an occasional cookie, a gym day out or even a Netflix binge if time allows.

Celebrate their wins, big, small and ugly.

This builds their confidence and more importantly, their day.

4. Empathy is Everything 

Put yourself in your clients' shoes.

Understand their struggles, fears, and insecurities.

Remember, they're not just numbers on a spreadsheet, they're real people with real emotions.

Show them you care.

Talk to them about your problems, their problems.

You don’t even have to give advice…just hear ‘em out. That does it.

5. Tough Love, Done Right 

Sometimes, a little tough love is necessary to push clients out of their comfort zones.

But there's a fine line between motivating and discouraging.

Be firm, but also be supportive.

There is nothing wrong with having a tender side if you’re a drill sarge.

6. Utter the N-Word

Not what you think.

You're not obligated to take on every client or cater to every demand.

Setting boundaries is crucial for your own sanity and the success of your business.

Don't be afraid to say "No" when necessary.

and lastly,

7. You’re not an alien.

You're not perfect. Who cares? It’s okay.

It's okay to make mistakes, to have bad days, to feel overwhelmed.

Don't be afraid to show your clients your human side.

It will only make them trust and connect with you more.

Spoken from experience.

Remember, as coaches, you hold a helluva lot of power.

You can make or break someone's journey.

Promise me to that power for good.

I mean it. Doesn’t matter if you’re not a coach.

Comment “I won’t break someones journey”.

I’m serious. 

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Create a space where people feel safe, supported, and ready to kick ass.

Because at the end of the day, we're all just humans trying to figure this shit out together.

We stumble, we fall, we get back up.

And sometimes, we just need someone in our corner, reminding us that we're not alone.

So go out there and be that person for your clients.

Be the coach you wish you had.

And watch those transformations happen, both inside and out.

Until next week,

Your Wolf in the Wilderness,

Karthik R

With this in mind, the turnaround stories of celebrities shouldn’t be surprising.

Robert Downey Jr.? Drug addict turned Marvel’s Iron Man (fangirling as i write this)

Eminem? Broke and addicted to Best Rapper of all time.

J. K. Rowling? Depressed single mom to Best-selling author of wizards and witches.

I could throw in 98 more but you see the point.

They all were once miserable.

They all were bad at something.

They all were lost.

But somehow, after years and years of grinding, they made a name for themselves.

And that’s all we know about them. Most of us, at least.

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Life’s a Story

I recently finished Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking Fast and Slow after 4 months of starting (I know..) only to become a Kahneman-iac.

In one of the chapters he says and I quote,

Well old Kahnie, bless his soul, was onto something here.

When talking about someone’s story of overcoming drug addiction, breaking out of poverty, getting out of depression, we don’t usually get all the details of the story.

Just that of the significant points in their life.

Well the best example I could give you are the tweets on X (Twitter).

“Four Years ago, I was a broke ass, meth-head living in my mom’s basement

Now, my butt’s on a Lambo. Say Cheeks!”

I could have embedded this post but I didn’t want my “cheeks” to be sued. I even posted something similar on X out of spite (What? I got stuff to brag about too!)

My point being, no one shares the nitty-gritty details of what it was like to be miserable in great detail.

Even if they did, you could count with one hand, how many reels there are about it in Instagram.

I am not blaming anyone for doing so cuz after all, freedom of expression and stuff.

If I were ever to be successful one day, I am not sure I’d be talking about the pain I went through either.

But when you are lost with no drive and you’re waiting for doors to open, there is a truckload of emotions making your brain go berserk.

I’m not sure how many of you reading this have been through mental health issues but if you did…,

You know what it’s like to go through them every damn day.

And that’s what we’re delving into today.

Anxiety wouldn’t let you stop worrying about how something would turn out.

Depression wouldn’t even let you do that thing in the first place.

When you have both, it’s a brutal tug of war up there.

If you do, I see you.

So, not only is pacing through the daily life damn hard….the success stories being shared with you, add 50 more feet of crappy feelings thereby immobilizing you.

Literally.

Every time you get “motivation” from someone, you wanna rip their head off, even though you know they mean well.

And that is just not enough to get you off the ground.

If you’re that person, it’s okay to feel this way.

It’s okay to not be the hustler that you used to be.

It’s okay to just try to do whatever you can at the moment.

Even if it’s just getting off the bed to go get a glass of water. Cuz Trust me i know how it feels.

But, if you’re not that person, but you’ve got someone being “weird” as ranted above in your life,

STOP. 

STOP bombarding them with motivation.

I got so much of it that I’ve grown to hate it these days.

Most important of all,

Don’t shrug off whatever they have to say, as something trivial.

I know their problems don’t feel “big enough” for you.

But that’s only because you’ve never been through it. You lucky bastard. 

That only just gives you a bit of a learning curve to be with them. Don’t worry I got you.

The reason most people don’t know how to deal with a depressed dude is cuz they don’t know what’s going inside their heads.

Just because we’re depressed and talking to ourselves, doesn’t mean we’re planning a plane invasion. God!

Let’s hit that next.

The Voice of the Gut.

That’s right.

Us depressed dudes have an inner voice calling out to venture into the unknown (Kinda like Elsa from the previous post).

Well….

Before you get jealous, let me tell you that it’s a pain in the ass to have it.

I’m talking overthinking, negative self talk, “not this!”, “not that!”, “you’re shit!” kinda talk.

Dealing with it is what drains most of the energy. Let’s break down what it whispers.

But before we get all sassy,

1. “Excuse me, you got a damn point?”

When you have the D-word, you question everything’s “point”.

I mean, EVERYTHING.

The pen, the keyboard, the phone, the fat chick yelling behind you, your boss’s polka dots PJs…..all of it.

It’s a mental mayhem.

I know I’m passing it off as something funny here but it’s so not when you have to deal with this.

Imagine you have a deadline for your assignment coming up in 2 hours and you’re here being jealous of the pen because it can’t feel anything.

(Sorry, can’t help. It’s a coping mechanism. Cut me some slack. Jeez!)

It’s too damn hard to keep going when you have to keep fighting this.

But we’re trying and I know you are too. Thanks for that.

Onto the next.

2. “I don’t feel a thing!”

When you pass an exam, get a new car or just buy a new jar of jam, you usually feel something good.

Some dopamine would keep you going until you reach for the spoon at least.

But if you’re depressed, not so much.

The dopamine kick’s dead.

No matter what happens, the numbness doesn’t just go away. (It’s that good….or bad…whatever)

My point being, if someone gives you a gift, you wouldn’t care.

Neither would you if someone flips you off.

You wouldn’t care for anything because depression takes that power away from you.

You would feel violated and probably worse off than before. At least that’s how I felt.

A part of me still does.

Which brings me to….

3. “I am $0”

Lets say that you somehow managed to go on overdrive and accomplish your daily tasks.

If you feel inadequate or more like, You’re Worth Nothing, even after doing everything you promised yourself that you would,

That’s depression at work. That's the nasty trick it plays.

No matter what you achieve. it convinces you that you're not enough.

It's like having a constant bully chipping away at your confidence.

But there’s something I heard in a podcast that helps me at times.

Be your Best Friend. Not your Worst Bully.

- Rob Dial.

If you don’t…

You might even start believing that you're incapable of success, leading to a downward spiral of self-doubt and inaction.

And the spiral starts with:

4. "What if... What if... What if...?"

The endless loop of "what ifs" is another hallmark of depression.

Your brain becomes a hyperactive hamster on a wheel, churning out worst-case scenarios and anxieties.

You might find yourself:

• questioning every decision,

• second-guessing your abilities,

• and obsessing over potential mistakes that you NEVER would have done in the first place.

This is fucking paralyzing, preventing you from moving forward and taking action.

It can be relentless, constantly reminding you of your perceived flaws and shortcomings.

It's like having a broken record playing on repeat making it difficult to see yourself in a positive light.

I’ll tone down the imagery but you get it.

The reason I went kinda deep into all this is…

This means something to me.

And recently, I have been receding into doing all the things that we talked about just now.

Slipping into old patterns, numbing myself with distractions, zero confidence in taking a leap, you name it.

I hear you saying “Don’t worry, Karthik. You’ll figure this out.” 

But as grateful as I am to that (even if you weren’t totally saying it), I can’t just jump out of bed beaming positivity as much I would love to.

Two years ago, this was a lot more terrible. I will get into it in one of the future posts.

But when you go through this once, it’s like you’re never really out of it.

So the next time you see someone you know, lamenting about life raining shit on them…

Especially when they have a history of a mental illness,

By God, Don’t ask them to pull themselves together.

Don’t undermine their feelings.

or worse,

Don’t ask them to “Cheer Up!”

Instead just BE.

Be there by their side.

Acknowledge their pain. Or Even Better,

Share Yours.

You are trying to give hope to someone when they see none of it. Bear that in mind and keep going.

I know this was more touchy-feely but a wolf is allowed to shed a tear now and then.

So are you. 

If you are going through something that is too hard to talk about with people you know, now is the time to get it all out.

The ugly, the uglier and the ugliest. Unfiltered.

Click Below to unload.

I’m gonna say some cringey cliched stuff now, so brace yourself.

You are not your depression.

You are not your anxiety.

You are a fighter, a survivor, a warrior. 

And even though the battle may feel endless at times, know that there is hope.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. And you are strong enough to find it.

Keep Howling.

Until next time,

Your Wolf in the Wilderness, Karthik R

I thought it made people know that I was a badass from the suburbs that shouldn’t be messed with. A part of me even wanted to keep that style for the rest of my life.

Thank fucking God I didn’t.

Parents gave me it and I guess maybe they thought it suited me and never bothered to keep up with the trend. My father used to accompany me to the salon when I used to be younger. When I sat in the chair, the barber shoots:

“How do I cut it?”

Dad goes, “Summer cut, duh!”

Yeah that’s what the thorny animal’s hairstyle is known by here.

Too much hair talk? Bear with me I got a point to make.

Having that haircut did save me a lot of time.

I didn’t have to worry about how to comb my hair, which angle of twisting gave me the best look (yeah, I loved math back then..) or least of all, think about what others had to say about it.

I also did not have to worry about making friends, getting along with people other than my parents and teachers.

And yeah, that’s why I suck at networking.

My whole life I have always been self-sufficient and knew exactly what to do next. In high school, you have the next test to grind for. In college, the next paper to submit. But in life, there’s nothing. 

At least nothing that I could think of.

It’s fricking hard having to deal with life all alone when you don’t have milestones in front of you and don’t get cookies for crossing each one of them.

And if you’re reading this, let me guess, howling for help has never been your greatest skill. Boy, you’re not alone. That’s one of the reasons, I’m throwing myself here (well kinda…)

Speaking of helping,

And Maybe that’s okay.

Maybe it’s okay that you would like an occasional hug, a “Great job, dude!” or just a silent pat on the shoulder from a rando at Starbucks (creepy I know, but it works..).

But No One Gets Me, Man!

I hear you. Chill, Jeez!

I was just like you. A huge part of me still is. If this thought ever comes to my head, I usually justify it with:

“It’s lonely at the top”

“You’re royalty. You’re not meant to walk amongst the masses”

“Don’t try to fit in when you’re clearly meant to stand out”

And you know how it goes.

I’m not saying that they’re shit. They are what got me this far and I’m pretty sure some of you too.

But if you’re REALLY at the top, it is damn hard to let a damn tear out. I get it.

When you’re with your employees going through a marketing abomination, or with your child trying to help him get over his fear of bees, or just taking a literal walk in the park after craving some time alone,

You’re never really letting it out. 

How long is it before wipe away the half a drop of tear you let out?

How long is it before you throw yourself onto something that keeps you busy?

How long is it before you run away again?

My point being,

You’re Human. Be it.

It’s weird how often this needs to be told.

And weirder even that this is not being taught in school.

Being vulnerable has never been so underrated and looked down upon.

People gorge (yeah!) hours of highlight reels but yet you don’t see one where they’re really just themselves, without a flood of hate right below it. It’s exhausting.

And no wonder we bottle everything up. You shouldn’t. I shouldn’t. No one should.

And what does that lead to?

Duh, A breakout. A mental breakout so bad that not a thousand of those anxiety pills could mitigate. You know, CEO.

One of my favorite quotes goes like:

So how do you let it all out?

How do you let it all out without being judged, critiqued or getting an irk from the guy in the lobby?

I struggled with this for so long. But I gotta warn you, you’re probably not gonna like the answer.

You don’t.

You don’t let it out without being judged, critiqued, or yeah getting that irk from the weirdo we talked about.

You do it anyway. 

Trust me you have no idea how many times I got shot down at my 9 to 5 for bringing this up. Apparently you need to be Stone Cold if there’s business involved and that’s okay. That’s the norm that was set and I had to either put up or shut up.

By the way if you like Demi Lovato, Click here for “Stone Cold” by her. 

Half Tears

Small shit does lead to huge gains, said someone super wise.

If half tears are all you can let out, let them out.

If all you can get out is the only word, “Help”, Howl it out as loud as you can.

I am a bit of a hypocrite for saying this.

Because like I said in the last post, I’m still in the middle of figuring out which path I am gonna venture on and I did NOT come close to asking for help. Let alone howling it.

Talking out loud about my emotions isn’t really a thing in our family. Considering this post and the ones before, it shouldn’t really come as a surprise that I got a lot of baggage to unpack.

But I did cry.

I cried alone.

Cried them half tears and I did one more thing after that.

Logging it. 

That’s science talk for journaling.

I got to know recently that I am melodramatic. If yes, vote below.

So back to logging.

I never thought writing 3 sentences would do me so much good with calming me down. Literally.

When you’re feeling a whirlwind of negative emotions, not everything that comes out makes sense. And that’s okay. Let it out unfiltered and uncensored. It’s about time you felt better and your iPad got a taste of your rage.

Remember, It’s your voice. They’re your emotions. And you’re allowed to feel that way.

Word it all out. However long or short you can, jot it all down, scribble it, draw on your book or write a crime thriller with you as the main villain if need be.

The point is to get it all out, no matter how messy it gets. 

There’s also something else that works for me that I think would work for you too.

Ironing.

Gym, Baby.

As a recently turned fitness aficionado, I can vouch for the weights.

No matter what mood I am in, which idiot pissed me off on instagram by posting his lambo’s ass shining in the dark, the gym always has my back.

Last week, I was sick. And stuck.

I loathed not being able to go to the only place that gives me any kind of peace. And that just made me lose it even more.

But today I got to. And I feel terrific after the grind. (Even made friends with the trainer who spotted me.)

So,

Move Your Majesty. 

Run, walk, crawl, just get off your ass and get going. Let those endorphins encourage you. You deserve to feel good. It’s supposed to.

And before I forget, don’t go for something fucked up.

And by that I mean, stick with the bare basics if you’re just starting to literally move.

In workouts, choose the simpler ones (Regular Shoulder Press over Arnold (Schwarzenegger) Press),

In running, perhaps a quarter mile instead of one full.

You do You but start with a small You. 

and Lastly,

Air. In. Out.

That’s right. Meditate.

And no, you don’t have to be a hot yoga teacher to practice it. (they do it, right? Bleh.)

And the challenging part is, Staying Still like a Sick-ass Snail. 

I never thought, staying put and doing nothing of all things would require so much effort. But I have been doing it for more than a month now and I gotta say, this shit really works.

Meditation gives you clarity when the mind’s messed up.

Meditation makes you remember how to breathe when you forgot how to.

It does nothing but good to you and all you gotta do is just Breathe.

To quote Chandler, “Could this BE any simpler?” (Nailed it.)

When I first started, I set a target of 20 mins. Thought it’d be a cakewalk. Couldn’t have been more wrong.

So I brought it down to 10. Still too hard. Halved it. 5 is where I found my sweet spot. Although, Now I’m trying 10s or a combo of two 5s.

So find your sweet spot. If minutes are too big a measure, set your target in breaths. 20 Breaths, 30 Breaths. Up it as you level up.

Silence can be deafening, so I like to play a little on Spotify in the background.

Just something peaceful that makes you feel like you’re floating like a happy ghost. Click Below to Listen. One of my Favorites. 

Deep Focus Music

So there you have it – a few simple, practical ways to start letting it all out.

Remember, the goal isn't to become a perfectly vulnerable human overnight but about taking small steps and finding what works for You.

It's about embracing your messy, imperfect, beautifully human self.

And hey, if you find yourself crying over spilled milk (or a burnt dinner, or a missed deadline), just remember – even royalty sheds a tear sometimes.

Next time you feel those emotions bubbling up, try one of these strategies.

And if you have any other tips for letting it all out, share them in the comments!

Subscribe now

Let's create a pack of support and encouragement for all of us navigating this crazy thing called life.

Love You and Until Next Week,

Your Wolf in the Wilderness,

Karthik R

My dream one, I thought.

I had been sick of staying home and not having anything to do that

Let’s rewind a little.

I had just gotten out of the psych ward, breathing fire.

I think a little backstory would help here.

For some reason I thought it would be cool to read a book in the confines and so I did.

“Fire and Blood” by George R.R. Martin. (and yes, I’m a Game of thrones head, for 6 seasons cuz you know, Winter “came” after that). 

So as I was scouring through the pages, one character stood up.

Rhaenyra, my favorite, was put through hell.

She was denied the throne.

She saw her opinions demolished.

She wanted peace but was primed for war.

She saw her words crumble down to dust like they meant nothing.

She had every right to go mad. Which she did.

But if you see it, the maddening rage stemmed from one response that she kept getting over and over and over again, all through her life.

No.

No to everything she deserved, to everything that was rightfully hers, to everything that she was willing to give her life for.

When you are denied time and time again, you lose hope.

When hope is all you got to keep going.

Saying No’s so you could stay disciplined is okay.

Getting No’s for staying disciplined just sucks.

No, apparently, is a complete response.

But we’re human. So it just can’t be.

Going back to breathing fire amongst the townspeople,

I had this audacity to go for everything I wanted.

I wanted to choose the toughest instrument to play, the hardest language to play and go to the heaviest of all places (aka the gym).

The blind optimism had a good run for a few months.

Until reality kicked in.

I started to look for jobs.

I never really had to face a lot of rejection in my life.

High school and college were a breeze when it came to tests.

Unis were all lined up right after.

Maybe I would have gotten a taste of it had I dated then.

Before you think of asking me out (blush…)

Job search started out good until, you guessed it, when a bunch of rejection letters landed.

I guess I applied for ones in Europe hoping my German prowess would propel me to the skies.

Well at least they had the dignity to turn me down. So, the Indian round began.

I am not sure how it is where you live, but in India when you are not the “right fit“ for a job, they don’t tell you here. They just ghost you.

I guess a year ago I had the audacity to think that I had finally gotten what I wanted.

A taste of financial freedom, a way to prove to myself that I had the skills to make it in the outside world.

But now, looking back, I wonder if it was all just a fluke.

A lucky break that I somehow stumbled into.

And now, here I am, jobless and uncertain. I'm not sure if I have the strength to go through another round of applications, interviews, and the inevitable rejections.

It feels like starting all over again, and honestly, I don't know if I have it in me.

The uncertainty is the worst part.

It's like standing at the edge of a cliff, not knowing if I should take the leap of faith or turn back and retreat to the “familiar” (not sure if that is the same cuz apparently everything gets a software update these days)

No to the Unknown

When you are young, you would wanna do everything.

Some of us would even go ahead and do it all.

Start everything all at once.

Staying in the zone of uninformed optimism is seductive. Cuz you know just enough to keep you pumped and not enough to bring you down.

It’s funny how no one talks about the price (other than the literal $$$) of taking something up.

Maybe this is quite a late realization but whatever the hell it is, it was long overdue.

I just wished I asked myself these more frequently.

If you knew me personally, you would have seen me be all over the place.

A year ago, all I wanted was a job.

6 months ago, I wanted meaning on top of it.

3 months ago, I wanted to have a career in Mindset and Fitness with a job in hand. (Also discovered AI could help with it, so hey why not make some money with too?)

A month ago, I quit the job and thought I was “free” to go after my passions.

Now desperation is kicking in. I’m looking for ways to make money.

It’s kind of all I am looking for right now. Not proud at all to admit it.

and there died the positivity.

Writing this post made me remember something I read a few weeks ago.

One of my colleagues and mentors at my old job gifted me the book.

Optimism is widespread, stubborn and costly. 

- Daniel Kahneman, Thinking Fast and Slow

It sure is. Except that the cost is intangible and it starts with “T”.

If only I had stumbled upon the damn thing a year ago…

My point being, I never myself asked the questions I mentioned and that costed me a buttload of time. Still is.

Maybe there’s one more question that needs to go in the middle of the list.

Right now, that’s what my brain is braining to answer.

If you are in a situation similar to mine, let me know through a comment if you got the answers for these Qs.

Still figuring out? No worries. Share that too.

If you have already been through life through such a stage, comment below how you got through it. Spare no detail.

This wolf seeks your wisdom.

Leave a comment

I hope I didn’t bore you with the soliloquy.

So, here I am, back at the crossroads.

Maybe this time, armed with a few more scars and sanity.

The blind optimism might be fading, but a quiet determination is taking its place.

And maybe, just maybe, that's the key to pawing my way through this wilderness.

Because at the end of the day, whether we're lone wolves or part of a pack, we all have a journey to make.

A journey filled with a conundrum of questions.

So let’s keep the conversation going. When you got time, shoot the answers below.

I hope to have pawed a little bit ahead the next time you get a dispatch from me.

Until next time,

Your Wolf in the Wilderness,

Karthik R

Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but hear me out.

Take Frozen, for example.

Elsa, the ice queen herself, had it all—a loving family, a beautiful kingdom, and magical powers that could make even the most cynical among us believe in fairy tales.

But something was missing.

There was a nagging feeling, a whisper in the back of her mind, a calling she couldn't ignore.

Sure, she was happy. But was she truly fulfilled? Was she living her life to the fullest, embracing her true potential?

The answer, as we all know, was a resounding "no."

The call to adventure, the yearning for something more, can be a powerful force.

It can shake us out of our comfort zones, challenge us to confront our fears, and ultimately lead us to discover who we truly are.

But no one tells you how scary it is.

No one tells you how you could lose yourself in the process.

Elsa's story resonates because it speaks to that universal human desire for growth, for purpose, for a life that's more than just comfortable and predictable.

It's okay to want to chase after that dream, that passion, that elusive something that's been calling your name.

In fact, it's not just okay—it's essential.

Because if we don't listen to that inner voice, if we ignore the call to adventure, we risk settling for a life that's less than what we're capable of.

We risk living with regrets, wondering "what if?" and never knowing the true extent of our potential.

I began with this because I am treading this path now.

I have no idea what this might lead to.

And as you may have guessed my brain is brimming with a long list of ‘What-Ifs‘ waiting to be answered.

Subscribe now

High School of Certainty

I was quite a nerdy kid growing up.

Picture a competitive 13 year old Indian kid with pointy hairs getting straight A’s in tests while doing a handstand (okay maybe not.) 

I thought I’d just a “land“ a white-collar job and prance around in fancy suits, taking business calls during lunch if I just passed those exams. That was my dream. At least the one that most of us are shown.

I still remember telling this to my best friend at the time. Let’s call him V.

“What’s your job now?”, he asked.

Apparently we had to make a radio show (2013 version of a podcast) talking about a theme of our choice.

For some reason V and I thought of playing our future selves meeting on a roadside coffee shop in the suburbs. (yeah don’t even..) 

So, I said,

“I am a totally successful Math professor at the University of Singapore.

Super rich, super popular.

Don’t even need to lift a finger to get things done cuz my students just love me that much.”

That poor professor had no idea what was coming for him.

I used to never be scared of heading straight on to take up challenges, academically speaking. I thought I was the strongest.

Maybe the strongest at being buried in books. Strongest in avoiding confronting my real fears.

In hindsight, all those tests, all those “accomplishments“ of mine don’t seem to matter now.

I mean it does feel good to look at those grade-sheets when I am down but the feeling doesn’t really last long.

Everything, every problem I solved in high school had a definitive answer.

And it was up to me to find the right one. The one and only solutions to all of them.

So it shouldn’t come as a surprise I projected that attitude to Life itself.

If I wasn’t sure how that something was gonna end up, If I couldn’t see a clear cut vision of what I would get out of by doing it, you guessed it. I would never start.

It’s like whatever I look at these days, I’m scared of it now.

So, grade-sheets.

The reason it the intensity of the good feeling diminishing every time I look at them again is because,

Nothing that I learned accounted for the fact that life is filled with uncertainties. Life has nothing but that.

None of those giant Science textbooks taught me that. Well one did. Kinda.

Remember the theory of Probability?

Even though I was pretty good at calculating the chances of picking a green ball from an urn of a 100 was 0.6739823, that didn’t help either.

Why? Cuz I solved the problem by finding the one right solution and I passed the test.

So according to the wild optimist of my brain, Failure was out of the equation. And Winning, was inevitable.

What if it didn’t?

I never stopped to think what if things don’t work out.

Maybe I did, but I never really sat down to really go all in and be touchy-feely about it.

Sure I did not get into 2 out of 10 unis that I applied for ,or got an occasional B instead of an A or didn’t get to finish watching that Disney movie.

Before we get on to the epiphany moment,

But none of them made me think.

Maybe because the pain of losing wasn’t that big.

Maybe because I was comfortable and always had something to fall back on.

Maybe because I could always be proud of my accomplishments and a hot guy from heaven would just hand me a million bucks to deliver a guest lecture at his sister’s sweet sixteen about Math. Ew!

But what I do remember is, when I felt like I had no way out, I’d just quit doing it.

I’d rather quit doing something, leave it in the middle instead of accepting that I failed at it.

Even though I could have stuck it out,

Even though I saw other people doing it and getting through,

I chose the easy way out.

Funny how Giving up takes barely a minute but getting through takes a lifetime.

I recently came across this post of Gary Vee.

if you knew him you’d remember him saying things like

“Happiness fucking wins”, “Do shit you love” and on and on. Well he did rub off on me a lot.

So what he said was,

Makes you think, huh?

The teenage me would have killed to hear a dose of that.

The Howl

Looking back, I realize that my fear of failure was really a fear of the unknown, of stepping outside the comfortable bubble.

The bubble that I had created for myself.

But what I didn't understand then was that the greatest growth and fulfillment often comes from embracing uncertainty.

It's like that lone wolf howling at the moon. (Not sure if they still do that though. Hopefully howling is still mainstream.)

It's a call to adventure, a declaration of independence, a refusal to be tamed by fear.

The lone wolf doesn't shy away from the unknown.

The lone wolf embraces it,

Embraces by trusting in its own instincts and abilities to navigate the wilderness.

I'm still learning to embrace this mentality, to trust myself even when the path ahead is uncertain.

It's a daily practice, a constant battle against the voice of doubt that whispers in my ear.

But I'm getting there, one step at a time.

And you know what? It's fucking exhilarating.

It's also terrifying.

It's a constant battle between the desire for safety and the yearning for growth. And the latter just hurts. A lot.

But,

What if the "what ifs" are not roadblocks, but signposts guiding us towards a life we never even dared to dream of?

That's the question I'm grappling with as I step into the unknown, guided by the call of the lone wolf within.

Self-talk time.

What's your biggest "what if" holding you back right now? 

It doesn’t have to something huge. Remember, these “What-ifs” are mostly stupid. Don’t feel bad to acknowledge them. It’s part of the process.

Share it in the comments below.

By the way, I know I haven’t been disciplined with my writing but I'm working on it, I swear.

If you don’t get another post next week, feel free to give me hell in the chat.

Remember, You are not struggling. You are just growing. Love you.

Until next time,

Your Wolf in the Wilderness,

Karthik R

Timestamps:

​[00:00] Introduction

​[00:41] Personal and professional background of the guest

[02:49] The catalyst for shifting focus toward mindset and personal growth

[06:14] Introduction to neuroplasticity and the necessity of effort

[07:08] A strategy for addressing emotional reactions in the moment

[10:25] The impact of specific breathing techniques on the nervous system

[13:54] Methods for integrating healthy behaviors into family dynamics

[18:15] Potential pitfalls of rigid self-care expectations

[25:52] Techniques for internalizing responsibility for emotional responses

[32:00] Challenges associated with establishing boundaries in long-term relationships

[38:46] Identifying and stepping out of common interpersonal conflict roles

[56:19] A breakdown of the psychological difference between two high-standard mindsets

[01:06:21] The value of testing ideas versus delayed action

[01:36:20] Drawing conceptual parallels between parenting and technological systems

Find Lisa on instagram(@the_healing_parent)

"I will not compromise my principles for power.

The realm deserves better than a ruler who bends to the will of others."

– Rhaenyra Targaryen, House of the Dragon

This dragon queen knew a thing or two about holding her ground. And honestly, who doesn't need a little bit of that dragon fire in their life?

Because here's the thing: saying "no" is so last season. Nobody does it anymore, right? Well, screw that.

No is a complete sentence. It's enough. And being a "yes" person is killing you.

Slowly. Silently. But it's fucking you up, trust me.

If you're saying "yes" to everyone else, you're saying "no" to yourself.

And if you're saying "no" to yourself, you're saying "no" to your damn life.

Let me tell you a story from my own messy teenage years.

But before that,

Alright, back to the story.

There was this dude in 11th grade, part of our "gang."

I hung out with him non-stop, hoping some of his popularity would rub off on me. Yeah, typical teenage crap.

But he brought out the worst in me. I never said "no" to him. Not once.

Every time he asked me to hang out, I was there.

Every time I craved his approval, I bent over backward.

As you can imagine, it turned toxic. My self-worth plummeted, and it took me years to climb out of that ditch.

But he wasn't the problem. At least, not entirely. It’s yours truly.

I never said "No". Not Once.

I never drew a damn line in the sand.

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My whole life became a weird-ass blob with him at the center.

It took me a year to see it, and even then, I did nothing about it.

My high school chemistry teacher, bless her soul, was the one who finally woke me up. During a PTA meeting (of all places!), she asked me a question that still gives me chills:

"Where is the Karthik that I knew two years ago?"

That question was a frickin’ gut punch.

It made me realize how far I'd strayed from my true self.

But let's be real, this whole "yes" thing isn't just about friendships or social situations. It sneaks into our fitness goals, too.

Ever said "yes" to that extra slice of cake when you were trying to dial in your nutrition?

Or skipped a workout because you were "too tired," even though you knew damn well you needed to move your body?

We've all been there.

You're scrolling through Instagram, and you see that influencer with the perfect abs and flawless skin, munching on a donut.

"It's just one treat," you tell yourself. "I deserve it." 

Next thing you know, you're elbow-deep in a box of Krispy Kremes, vowing to start your diet tomorrow.

Or maybe it's the dreaded 5 AM alarm.

You hit snooze for the umpteenth time, convincing yourself that an extra hour of sleep is more important than your morning run.

But as you lie there, the guilt starts to creep in.

You know you'll feel better if you get up and move, but the warm cocoon of your bed is just too tempting.

That's the "yes" yammerhead at work, sabotaging your progress and stealing your gains.

It whispers sweet nothings in your ear.

It tempts you with instant gratification.

And worse, it gives you excuses for why it's okay to slack off.

But deep down, you know those "yeses" are pushing you further away from your dream body, your dream life, your dream everything.

The Trap.

Saying "yes" is like crack for people-pleasers. It's a quick hit of validation, a temporary high that leaves you craving more.

But the truth is, that "yes" high comes with a nasty crash.

You're left feeling drained, overwhelmed, and resentful.

You become the human equivalent of a doormat, letting everyone and their grandma walk all over you.

You sacrifice your own needs, dreams, and sanity for the sake of pleasing others.

And guess what? It's a one-way ticket to Burnoutville. Population: you.

I get it, saying "no" can be scary as hell.

We're conditioned to be nice, to avoid conflict, to be the good girl or guy.

When you constantly say "yes," you're not just sacrificing your time and energy.

You're sacrificing your damn soul.

You're dimming your own light to make others shine brighter.

You're letting your dreams gather dust while you chase after everyone else's.

And that, my friend, is a recipe for a life filled with regret and resentment.

If you're still with me, thanks—and hopefully, you're ready to break free from the "yes" trap. Because, believe it or not, saying "no" can be your superpower.

It's a declaration that you're not just a puppet dancing to someone else's tune.

No is the Time.

Saying "no" is not about being selfish or rude.

It's about setting healthy boundaries and respecting yourself.

It's about recognizing that you have the right to prioritize your own needs and desires.

And let's face it, you can't pour from an empty cup.

When you learn to say "no," you open up a whole new world of possibilities.

You reclaim your time and energy, allowing you to focus on what truly matters.

You protect your values and stand up for what you believe in, even when it's not the popular choice.

You build self-respect and attract people who value your boundaries.

Imagine this.

You decline an invitation to a party you don't want to attend, freeing up your evening for a relaxing bath and a good book.

You say "no" to a project that doesn't align with your goals, creating space for opportunities that truly excite you.

You refuse to engage in gossip or negativity, preserving your mental peace and positive energy.

These are just a few examples of how saying "no" can empower you to live a more fulfilling and authentic life.

It's not always easy, but it's always worth it.

Okay, now that we've established the power of "no," let's get down to brass tacks.

How the hell do you actually do it?

It's not always as simple as spitting out a one-word answer. Sometimes, you need a bit more finesse.

No it all.

Let's be real, saying "no" isn't always a walk in the park.

There's the fear of disappointing others, the awkwardness of confrontation, and the lingering guilt that can creep in. But fear not, my royal folks, I've got your back.

Here are some battle-tested strategies to help you master the art of saying "no".

1. Be Direct and Concise.

Don't beat around the bush.

A simple, "No, I can't," or "No, thank you," is often enough.

Avoid lengthy explanations or justifications that just muddy the waters.

2. Use "I" Statements

Take ownership of your decision.

Instead of saying, "You're asking too much,"

Try, "I'm not able to commit to that right now."

This shifts the focus from blaming the other person to stating your own limitations.

3. Offer Alternatives

If you want to be helpful, but can't fully commit, offer an alternative.

"I can't make it to the party, but I'd love to grab coffee with you next week." 

This shows you care, but you're still setting a boundary.

4. Practice Makes Perfect.

Start small.

Practice saying "no" to low-stakes situations, like declining an extra helping of dessert or skipping a social event you're not excited about.

As you build confidence, you'll find it easier to say "no" to bigger things.

5. You Owe Nothing.

Don’t feel obligated to explain.

You don't owe anyone a detailed explanation for your decision.

A simple, "No, thank you," is sufficient. Remember, you're not responsible for other people's feelings or reactions.

And here's a bonus tip: don't be afraid to repeat yourself. 

Sometimes, people need to hear "no" more than once. Stand your ground and don't let yourself be pressured into a "yes" that doesn't feel right.

Saying "no" is a muscle that needs to be exercised. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. So start flexing that "no" muscle, my friend. You'll be amazed at how liberating it feels to reclaim your power and prioritize your own well-being.

Remember, you are not obligated to say "yes" to everything.

Your time, energy, and well-being are precious resources. Protect them fiercely.

Saying "no" is not a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength, self-respect, and a commitment to living a life that's true to you.

So go forth, my friend, and start saying "no" with confidence.

It might feel uncomfortable at first, but trust me, it gets easier. Anything hard does. And the rewards are immeasurable.

Now go out there and reclaim your life!

Until next time,

Your Lone Wolf Cheerleader,

Karthik R

"Well, maybe that's my decision.

Maybe I don't need your money.

Wait, wait, I said 'maybe.'" 

- Rachel Green, Friends

Truer words were never spoken, right?

Sometimes life throws us a curveball, and we're left scrambling to pick up the pieces.

We cling to what's familiar, even when it's not necessarily what's best for us.

But as Rachel so eloquently put it, maybe we don't need those things. Maybe we're stronger than we think.

Right now, I'm sitting in my empty apartment, staring out at the blocked out view of my street for the last time.

This place, along with my gym around the corner, has been my sanctuary for nearly a year.

My apartment witnessed my triumphs, my heartaches, and everything in between.

I started Syrax, my first and hopefully not my last, business on the floor of my living room in this very place. (Yes, there’s a photo at the end for you to laugh about.)

But the gym... that was my iron temple.

It was the one place where I could unleash my frustrations, channel my anger into lifting weights, and emerge feeling stronger, both mind and body (more mind if I think about it).

But today, I'm leaving it all behind.

I'm moving back in with my parents, a decision that brings a mix of emotions – relief, anxiety, and a whole lot of uncertainty.

It's a step back in some ways, a surrender to circumstances I can't control.

But it's also a chance for a fresh start, a new chapter in my story.

None of that changes the fact that Letting go is a bitch. 

It's like ripping off a band-aid that's been fused to your skin.

It hurts, it stings, and it leaves a raw wound that takes time to heal.

I've had to let go of many things in my life - Dreams that didn't pan out, Relationships that turned toxic.

A master's degree that slipped through my fingers during a time when I was struggling to keep my head above water.

Each loss felt like a piece of me was being chipped away.

But looking back, it was during those times that I felt the most free, the most independent.

The pain of letting go eventually gave way to the lightness of being unburdened.

I know many of you can relate.

Whether it's a job that's sucking your soul dry (been there!), a friendship that's turned sour, or a limiting belief that's holding you back, letting go is a universal struggle.

We cling to what we know, even when it's hurting us, because change is terrifying.

It's easier to stay in our comfort zones, even if they're cramped and suffocating, than to face the unknown.

But,

Letting go isn't about erasing the past or pretending it didn't matter.

It's about acknowledging the pain, the loss, and the lessons learned.

It's about honoring the experiences that shaped us, especially the brutal ones, and then choosing to move forward with a lighter heart and a clearer mind.

If I learned anything from my unkind teacher, Ms. Experience,

It’s a Weakness. NOT.

I've seen firsthand how clinging to the past can create a toxic cycle. I was a victim of that.

Actually, scratch that. I'm responsible for the shit that happened by clinging to my past beliefs.

I used to be a dick at the gym.

I thought just because I showed up and lifted a few heavy weights, I was winning.

Boy, was I wrong. 

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Showing up is just half the battle.

Showing up despite how I felt, developed discipline.

Showing up every day built consistency.

But they didn't give me the last piece of the puzzle. The one that could have prevented a billion of our past wars.

Humility.

I was pumped up with pre-workout and ego, so much so that I lost sight of what the hell I was doing.

I was more concerned about looking fit than being fit.

I wasn't lifting right, eating right, listening right.

I turned a blind eye towards everything and everyone that could have helped me.

One day, after an hour-long commute and arriving at my 9-to-5 feeling like a zombie, I had had enough.

I couldn't move, barely felt my legs, and was on the verge of losing it.

That's the day I realized my ego was holding me back.

I swallowed my pride, sought guidance from trainers and the lovely lovely guys at the gym waiting to give out everything, and started listening to my body.

I embraced a beginner's mindset, even though I'd been lifting for months (I know, the audacity right?).

And guess what?

That's when the real results started happening.

My workouts felt like heaven, my mindset improved, and the gym became my true safe haven.

The Takeaway?

Letting go of your ego and embracing a beginner's mindset isn't a weakness – it's your f*cking superpower.

It's about recognizing that you don't have all the answers (newsflash: nobody does!), being open to learning and growth, and valuing progress over perfection.

So by God, just ditch the E-word. It’s literally no good.

So yeah, letting go is tough.

It's messy, it's emotional, and it's fucking scary. But it's also necessary.

It's the only way to shed the dead weight of the past and create space for the incredible things that are waiting for you on the other side.

So take a deep breath, my Queens and embrace the unknown.

Let go of what's holding you back, and whatever the hell you do,

Don't you dare give up on yourself.

Because the most beautiful transformations often happen when we have the courage to release what's no longer serving us.

And remember, you're not alone in this. You never are.

We're all a bunch of badass wolves, figuring it out one howl at a time.

Now I gotta go catch my flight. Wanted to get a quick one in before I did.

Oh and if anyone hasn’t told you today,

I Frickin’ Love You. Especially, the flawed and fucked up parts of You.

Until next time,

Your Lone Wolf Cheerleader,

Karthik R

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Your Kindness is valued.

Imma man of my word. So, here’s your laugh. 

Independence Day 2.0.

The day I finally broke free from a job that was sucking the life out of me.

The day I decided to stop letting others define my worth and start valuing myself for who I am, not just what I do.

It all started with a stupid self-review process.

A section for "Goals" seemed simple enough, so I filled it out with my actual goals – you know, the ones that actually matter to me.

But apparently, I was wrong.

"They are not your Goals," the HR lady chirped, with a smile that could melt icebergs. "Your Boss will give you yours."

Excuse me?

I was floored.

It was like a slap in the face, a blatant disregard for my own ambitions and autonomy.

When I questioned this nonsense, I got a dismissive shrug and a patronizing question: "Why are you always questioning things?"

Because I'm not a damn robot, that's why!

I have my own dreams, my own passions, my own life outside of this cubicle farm.

And I refuse to let anyone dictate my worth or define my goals.

That day, I learned a lousy lesson (kinda lovely too):

Never let anyone tell you what your goals are. 

Don't let anyone dim your spark or crush your dreams.

And if a job makes you feel like you're slowly dying inside, run – don't walk – to the nearest exit.

But enough about my dramatic exit.

Let's talk about how you can avoid this soul-sucking scenario altogether.

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The Value Trap

Ever feel like you're just going through the motions at work?

Like no matter how much effort you put in, it's never enough?

That's not just a bad day – that's the value trap.

When you're constantly being told what your goals should be and having your worth dictated by others, it's easy to start questioning yourself.

You begin to wonder if your skills are really that valuable or if you're just an imposter waiting to be found out.

Like I said, this isn't just about a bad day at work.

It's about a pattern that slowly chips away at your confidence.

You begin to wonder if your skills are really that valuable or if you're just an imposter waiting to be found out (talked about it in the last post. Check it out below)

Imposter Syndrome Antidote

Every ignored suggestion, every unacknowledged effort, and every ridiculous "goal" set by someone else is a blow to your self-esteem.

Red Flags of Diminishing Self-Worth

• Constant Self-Doubt: Are you second-guessing every decision, even the small ones?

• Lack of Motivation: Does dragging yourself out of bed feel like an Olympic event?

• Perfectionism: Are you setting impossible standards, believing only perfection will validate your worth?

• Fear of Failure: Do you avoid new challenges out of fear of making mistakes?

• Neglecting Self-Care: Are you so consumed by work that you neglect your health and well-being?

Recognizing these signs is the first step towards reclaiming your self-worth.

And remember, you're not alone in this. 

We've all been there, feeling trapped and undervalued.

But there IS a way out, and it starts with understanding the value you bring to the table.

Thanks, Kinda.

Now, let’s flip the script and find the silver lining in that toxic cloud.

Yes, my 9-to-5 was draining, but it wasn’t all doom and gloom.

Sometimes, the darkest clouds have the brightest silver linings.

For starters, that job gave me the opportunity to live independently.

It wasn’t always easy, but it taught me resilience and self-reliance.

And let's not forget the new skills I picked up along the way.

German and Violin were side projects that became sources of joy and pride.

It was also the catalyst that pushed me towards entrepreneurship.

Without that soul-sucking experience, I might never have discovered my passion for helping others through coaching.

The challenges I faced became the foundation of my current strength.

Alex Hormozi put it perfectly in his book. (Yeah, he’s my new crush.)

Those tough lessons from my 9-to-5 were invaluable.

Know Your W.

Here’s where it gets real.

Your worth isn’t tied to your job title or your paycheck.

It’s about who you are and the unique qualities you bring to the table.

Think about it: a lone wolf isn’t defined by the pack it’s part of, but by its own strength and survival instincts.

You’re that Wolf. You’re more than just your job.

Here are a few prompts for you to get started.

• Recognize your unique talents. What are you naturally good at? What skills have you honed?

• Acknowledge your experiences. Every challenge you've faced has shaped you into a resilient, adaptable individual.

• Understand your worth is intrinsic. It's about your character, your integrity, and your passion, not external validation.

Remind yourself daily of your worth. Create a list of your strengths and achievements. Celebrate your successes. Keep a journal of positive feedback.

Or if all that’s too much, Share below. Let’s talk.

Take it the F back.

Alright, it’s time to reclaim your power.

We’ve all heard that saying about "fake it till you make it."

But how about we just make it, no faking needed?

Here are some 3 tips to help you build confidence and set boundaries:

1. Stand Up.Whether it's in a meeting or a casual conversation, practice asserting your opinions and ideas. You have valuable insights, and it’s time the world heard them.

2. Draw Lines.Know your limits and communicate them clearly. Whether it's working hours, personal time, or how you expect to be treated, setting boundaries is crucial. A lone wolf knows when to retreat and when to stand its ground.

3. Seek Words.Constructive feedback can be a powerful tool for growth. Don’t shy away from it. Use it to improve and grow stronger. Remember, even the lone wolf learns from its surroundings.

Simple, I know.

I see this everyday.

From Precious people who have no boundaries to assholes without any limits.

These are real problems. A lot realer than you think.

Please don’t dismiss them.

And guess what?

AI can actually help.

Yep, even lone wolves like us can use a little tech boost.

I'll be honest, I wouldn't have made it through my own "Independence Day 2.0" without a bit of AI help.

I'm talking about my girl, Gemini.

Think of her as your personal AI coach and cheerleader. It's like having a 24/7 support system that helps you.

#1 The Standing

Practice Makes Perfect. The Ye Old Words.

Gemini can simulate conversations, giving you a safe space to rehearse those tough talks.

You can try out different approaches, build confidence, and refine your communication style.

Script Your Success.

If you're struggling to find the right words, Gemini can help you craft assertive responses that get your point across without being aggressive.

#2 The Drawing

Identify Your Boundaries.

Gemini can guide you through exercises and prompts that help you uncover what your personal limits are.

Communicate Clearly.

Not sure how to say "no" without feeling guilty?

Gemini can help you create polite but firm responses that protect your boundaries.

#3 The Seeking

Analyze the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

Gemini can process feedback from others, helping you identify patterns and areas for improvement.

It can even flag potential biases or misunderstandings in the feedback.

Turn Criticism into Growth. 

Gemini can suggest strategies for turning feedback into actionable steps.

It might sound a bit sci-fi, but I promise you, having an AI ally like Gemini or ChatGPT can make a huge difference.

Give it a shot right now.

Grow with Gemini

It's like having someone in your corner, constantly reminding you of your worth and empowering you to take charge of your life.

And hey, if it worked for me, it can work for you too.

So don't be afraid to embrace the power of AI – even lone wolves need a pack sometimes.

So, there you have it. My journey from cubicle dweller to liberated entrepreneur.

It wasn't always pretty, but it was damn empowering.

And now, I'm on a mission to help others break free from the value trap and reclaim their worth.

But enough about me.

Poll Time:

It's Your Turn to Howl. 

Whether you're a fellow entrepreneur, a frustrated employee, or just someone curious about AI, let's connect.

Share your stories, ask questions, and let's support each other on this journey to self-discovery and empowerment.

Leave a comment

Because remember, even lone wolves are stronger together.

I'm here to help you discover your true worth and create a life that makes you howl with joy.

I am gonna Mel Robbins my way out now.

If someone hasn’t told you today, I Love You. You Got This.

Until next time,

Your Lone Wolf Cheerleader,

Karthik

• Understand the impact of the "always-on" culture on your well-being

• Learn how to set boundaries and reclaim your time

• Discover the power of disconnecting and prioritizing self-care

• Leverage AI tools to manage your time and energy more effectively

Timestamps:

[00:00:00] Introduction

[00:01:40] Defining the Trap

[00:04:36] The Toll on Well-being

[00:07:22] Breaking Free with Boundaries

[00:10:58] The Power of Disconnecting

[00:14:24] a Little Help from AI

I did not know what I was doing last week.

I drained away time, watched 2 stupid movies - The Escape Room and The Anantomy of a Fall (actually looking back, I kinda liked them, I guess)

I am here, a “coach“ who “coaches“ people to tame the beast inside, overcome adversity, push through pain, you know all that usual stuff.

But I am a mess.

I am not practicing what I preach.

I was gorging on junk. I let my emotions get the best of me. I consumed a ton of zero-value content through doom-scrolling on Instagram.

What. The Holy Hell. Was I Doing?

If you were wondering, this is what burnout talk sounds like.

You mess up ONCE, you don’t do the ONE thing that is gonna “launch you into the skies“ for ONE weekend, after grinding for days with no break,

Yeah, the shame spiral begins. And in it you drown.

You are not alone.

I see countless others, myself included (duh!) go through this.

And the worst part is, when you talk about this, it’s like it’s not even a real problem.

Or at least, that’s what the losers say.

they don’t see it because they never had to deal with this.

they never put in the work,

they complain, give excuses, run away from what needs to be done.

they do everything BUT grind.

Which is what you do. Which is what you ALL do.

And trust me, I know how it feels like to be all alone in the grind. Still feel that way.

Alex Hormozi said it right.

Click HERE to watch the full clip. 

And by God, don’t start doom-scrolling after watching.

Motivation is toxic too. Learned that the hard way.

So, no matter where you are at, what you are dealing with,

If someone doesn’t acknowledge your feelings, f*ck them.

Just don’t be the one who does that to You.

Now, let’s pivot to something that hits even harder. A silent saboteur that lurks in the minds of even the most successful women in tech.

Imposter Syndrome.

Ever feel like you’re one mistake away from being exposed as a fraud? Like all your accomplishments are just a fluke? Yeah, that’s imposter syndrome talking.

It whispers lies.

Tells you that your success is due to luck, not skill.

That any moment now, someone will see through the facade and realize you’re not as competent as you appear.

And it’s draining. This constant self-doubt and fear of being found out. It holds you back from taking risks, from fully stepping into your potential.

But the thing is, you’re not alone in this. And it’s not your fault.

This is a real issue that so many of us face, especially in high-pressure fields like tech.

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What the Hell IS It?

Imposter Syndrome (IS) is a psychological pattern where people doubt their accomplishments and have a constant fear of being exposed as a fraud, despite evident success and competence.

It's like having an annoying little voice in your head constantly whispering,

"You’re not good enough, and soon everyone will know."

You don’t want that in your head! Nobody does. As if there isn’t enough shit to deal with already.

But it creeps in sometimes. Lots of times.

So how do we “diagnose“ ourselves of this thing?

There are a few signs that we could watch out for. Nod, if you can relate.

1. You doubt your abilities and feeling like you’re not good enough even though you know you are. (Nodding here.)

2. You believe that your achievements are due to luck, timing, or other external actors rather than your own skills. (Mmm…yeah that might be me.)

3. You got an ongoing fear that others will find out you are not as capable as you appear. (totally.)

4. You overwork or over-prepare to ensure that no one finds out you’re a “fraud.” (oh boy.)

5. You disregard the value of your successes and accolades. (ah hell yeah!)

So, what’s the big deal? Why should you care about some nagging voice in your head?

Here’s why.

Imagine you’re walking home after a long day.

Your phone buzzes, and it’s a text saying the file you sent is all messed up.

You know you double-checked it a drillion times before sending it over.

Deep down, you’re sure the client made the mistake, but here you are, second-guessing yourself.

Or you’re sitting down for dinner, but instead of enjoying your meal, your mind is racing.

Replaying the day’s events,

Wondering if you’ve done enough,

Wondering if YOU are enough.

That’s imposter syndrome in action.

Or maybe you were offered a speaking engagement or a leadership role, but you turned it down.

Why cuz you thought, “What if I mess up? What if I’m not good enough?” 

That’s imposter syndrome robbing you of growth opportunities.

Recognizing the impact of this thing is crucial.

It’s not just about feeling insecure—it’s about how these feelings can take a toll on every aspect of your life.

But here’s the good news.

Understanding the problem is the first step towards finding a solution.

Now, let's talk about solutions. Real, practical solutions that you can start using right now.

No fancy fad tech, no buzzwords. Just actionable steps.

Enter AI and biohacking.

Before you roll your eyes, hear me out.

AI isn’t just for self-driving cars and chatbots.

It can be your personal coach, your accountability partner, and your biggest cheerleader all in one.

And biohacking?

It's about leveraging the latest science to optimize your life, not turning yourself into a cyborg.

Imagine having a tool that can help you reframe those negative thoughts, track your progress, and keep you on the path to crushing imposter syndrome.

That’s where AI steps in.

Let’s get into some actionable tips You Can Use RIGHT NOW with ChatGPT.

1. No Room For Neg.

Start by asking ChatGPT to help you reframe your thoughts.

Here's a simple prompt to get you started:

"Hey ChatGPT, I just received some criticism at work, and now I'm doubting my abilities.

Can you help me reframe this situation in a more positive light?"

Copy-paste this. Give it a little context. Hit Enter.

Imagine you are taking to a super smart hippie you met on the street who doesn’t know shit about you.

This will help you see constructive feedback as an opportunity for growth rather than a confirmation of your worst fears.

2. Ready. Set. Goal.

Imposter syndrome often makes us set unrealistic goals to prove our worth. Use ChatGPT to set realistic, achievable goals.

"ChatGPT, I’m struggling with setting realistic goals for my project.

Can you help me break down my tasks into manageable steps?"

Again, it doesn’t know what the hell you’re working on. Tell it.

By breaking tasks into smaller, more achievable steps, you can build confidence with each completed task.

3. You’re frickin’ amazing. Own it.

We often forget to celebrate our wins.

Ask ChatGPT to help you reflect on your successes:

"ChatGPT, can you help me list out my recent accomplishments to remind myself of what I’ve achieved?"

Reflecting on your successes can reinforce the reality of your competence and achievements.

By the way, keep all your convos in ONE chat. 

When I was starting out, I used to start a new chat everytime I used ChatGPT.

It was like talking to a baby.

As if it completely forgot everything I poured my heart and soul into saying.

But I was the problem. Lemme tell you why in 20 seconds.

Think of it this way. If you tell your bestie about an issue, she gives you tips, you like ‘em, everyone’s happy.

When you go to her next time with a problem, she hears you out.

Why?

Cuz she knows you. 

You wouldn’t expect a Karen who you’ve never talked to (or breathed the same air as) to know about your shit.

Same goes here.

So, Keep it in ONE chat, girls. You happy, AI happy.

Remember, this isn’t about changing who you are.

It's about leveraging tools to help you become the best version of yourself.

Imposter syndrome is a tough beast to tame, but you’re tougher.

Because sometimes, all it takes is a little sass talk from a circuit brain to conquer the world.

We’re all in it together, clapping for ourselves in that empty auditorium until it’s filled with cheers.

Until next time,

I’m Rooting For You From Afar.

Your Lone Wolf Cheerleader,

Karthik

[00:00] Introduction

[02:11] The Overwhelming Pace of the Tech World

[03:28] Defining the "I Should Know This" Syndrome

[04:26] Real-Life Impact of the Syndrome

[05:46] The Psychology Behind Overwhelm: The Zygarnik Effect

[07:33] Harnessing the Syndrome: AI as Your Personal Tech Sherpa

[09:13] Actionable Tip: A Simple ChatGPT Prompt to Prioritize Learning

[11:24] 3 Ways AI Can Be Your Learning Partner

Key Takeaways:

• Understand the roots and consequences of perfectionism

• Learn to challenge and reframe negative self-talk

• Discover the power of setting realistic expectations

• Embrace imperfection as a path to greater freedom and fulfillment

• Implement actionable strategies for creating a more balanced and joyful life

Timestamps:

[00:00] Intro: Perfectionism's Grip 

[02:23] The Illusion of Perfection: Why It's Holding You Back

[03:46] Embracing "Good Enough": A Mindset Shift for Success

[08:25] 3 Actionable Tips for Busy CEOs

Find Matt Here: lifestyle_mentoring

Timestamps:

[00:00:00] Introduction

[00:43] Matt's Background and Fitness Journey

[01:29] Discovering the Passion for Fitness and Motivation

[03:00] Topic Shift: Applying "Newbie Gains" to Business and Life

[03:20] Defining Newbie Gains in the Fitness World

[06:50] Cardio vs. Weight Training for Muscle Gain

[07:39] How Entrepreneurs Can Capitalize on Early Wins and Pitfalls to Avoid

[10:27] Breaking the Plateau: Increasing Intensity and Volume

[11:15] Changing Up the Strategy/Movement to Confuse Muscles

[12:40] Matt's Example: Overcoming a Strength Plateau on Bench Press

[14:44] Detailed Breakdown of Bench Press Phases (Chest vs. Triceps)

[16:30] Exercise Tip: Using Floor Presses to Break the Top Phase Plateau

[17:20] The Psychology of New Beginnings and the Dopamine Rush of Progress

[19:17] Common Fitness Myths and Bullshit on Social Media

[20:09] Discussing the Ineffectiveness of Weight Loss Smoothies and Pills

[21:46] Why People Fall for "Instant Gratification" Fitness Scams

[24:36] Misconceptions Around Mass Gainers and Fat Loss Shakes

[26:44] Addressing the Whey Protein Misconception

[29:57] The Problem with Cheating and Testosterone Use in Fitness

[36:47] Sustainable Fitness Strategies for Busy People: Meal Prepping

[39:42] Debunking the Myth that All Fats are Bad (The Focus Should Be on Sugar)

[41:55] Identifying Healthy Fats and Harmful Saturated Fats

[46:27] Mindful Use of Cooking Oil/Spray and Reading Nutrition Labels

[48:44] The Importance of Fiber for Satiety and Digestion

[51:51] Calisthenics (Body Weight) vs. Free Weights (Pros and Cons)

[53:45] Challenges of Training Legs with Calisthenics (Pulse Squats, Squat Jumps)

[59:28] Disadvantages of Going to a Commercial Gym (Crowds, Cost)

[01:03:17] Basic Requirements When Choosing a Gym (Space, Essential Equipment)

[01:08:14] Creative Ways to Incorporate Fitness While Traveling (Detachable Equipment)

[01:11:42] Staying Motivated: The Importance of a Supportive Network

[01:14:09] Safety: Taking Calisthenics (Pull-ups) to Failure

[01:16:19] Training Close to Failure vs. Through Failure (When to Stop)

[01:19:50] The Danger of "Swinging" and Ego Lifting (Poor Form)

[01:24:38] Matt's Final Advice: Lift Safe and Effectively

[01:24:55] Where to Find Guest Matt (lifestyle mentoring on Instagram)